11450 Players currently online!
Man vs. Machine - good luck!
Turn-based games at any time!
Vote for the best move to win!
Do you have what it takes?
Sharpen your tactical vision!
Get advice and game insights!
Learn from top players & pros!
View millions of master games!
Your virtual chess coach!
Perfect your opening moves!
Test your skills vs. computer!
Find the right private coach!
Can you solve it each day?
Bring it all together!
Beginners, start here!
Make friends & play team games!
News from the world of chess!
Search all Chess.com members!
Find local clubs & events!
Who's the best of your friends?
Read what members are saying!
Please share your favorite humor posts, that you have seen on Chess.com. Let us not only relive them , but let's consolidate them all in one place, to make it easier to enjoy. I realize that this could be possibly be used to belittle others. I don't want anyone using it for that. I realize I can't really stop you either, but I am sure your ex-girlfriend Karma will get even with you and she is an evil whinch sometimes. So don't try patronizing the rest of us. You know the difference. I am sure the rest of us will figure out your intentions too. Lets have some fun. Enjoy.
Anything by yeres.
I have two that run back to back. I want to figure out how to move the pictures with them for the full effect.
A joke by Joel Austin. A married couple married for 20 years are so faithful to God. God decided to send an angel to offer them a gift. The gift is for each couple one wish God will grant it. So the angel appeared to them and told them the grace given to them. The wife said she wants to travel around the world. And lo, plane tickets and hotel reservations fall out from the ceiling. The man said to the angel, I wish to have a wife 20 years younger than I am. Suddenly the man's aged become 20 years older than the wife.
FORREST GUMP GOES TO HEAVEN
The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.
St. Peter said, ‘Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you.
We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven.’
Forrest responds, ‘It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But, nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the test ain’t too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was.’
St. Peter continued, ‘Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.
First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second: How many seconds are there in a year?
Third: What is God’s first name?’
Forrest leaves to think the questions over.
He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, ‘Now that you have had a chance to think
the questions over, tell me your answers’
Forrest replied, ‘Well, the first one — which two days in the week begins with the letter ‘T’?
Shucks, that one is easy.
That would be Today and Tomorrow.’
The Saint’s eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, ‘Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer.’
‘How about the next one?’ asked St. Peter
‘How many seconds in a year?
Now that one is harder,’ replied Forrest, but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.’
Astounded, St. Peter said, ‘Twelve? Twelve?
Forrest, how in Heaven’s name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?’
Forrest replied, ‘Shucks, there’s got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd … ‘
‘Hold it,’ interrupts St. Peter. ‘I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind … but I will have to give you credit for that one, too.
Let us go on with the third and final question.
Can you tell me God’s first name’?
‘Sure,’ Forrest replied, ‘it’s Andy.’
‘Andy?’ exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter.
‘Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?’
‘Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,’
‘I learnt it from the song,
‘ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN..’ ‘
St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said:
‘Run Forrest, run!’
Hahaha!!! Nice joke
That you might like that after your post.
Taken from Christian's funny jokes. " a mother woke up his son and force him to be ready to go to sunday's church. The son replied, I don't want to go. Mother why? I have two good reasons why, 1st they don't like me. 2nd I don't like them. The mother upset said, there are two good reasons why you should go. 1st, you are 47 years old. 2nd, you are the pastor of the church.
hahaha good ones
What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
...... About 45 lbs
The elephant asked the naked man... how do you breath on that thing of yours....
Why was man created first than the woman ..... You have to make a draft first before the final one....
Woman... is the most effective saving reducing agent to mankind
A Filipino joke:
Teacher: Now you are grade 2 students, let me test what knowledge you got from grade 1. Teacher called Juan, Who is George Washington??
Juan blushing: I don't know sir... maybe he is from the other class....
Filipino green joke: A 90 year old widow was sleeping failed to wear her underwear at noon on a couch, grandson: grandma what is that I have seen?? Grandma: you naughty boy, it used to be pale when your grandpa was still alive, now he's dead it turned to purple.....
The funniest Christian joke I ever heard was:
During church anouncments, the pastor came up with a new giving campaign slogan. It was, " I upped my pledge, up yours"...lol
by strongamateur a few minutes ago
Systems for Black?
by ThrillerFan a few minutes ago
need help determining a winning strategy
by bareblar02 4 minutes ago
by Dark_N_Stormy_Knight 4 minutes ago
Mate in two, can't see it
by 1nf4m0uz 5 minutes ago
GM Title proliferation
by ShyamGopal1 6 minutes ago
5/23/2013 - The Long Road Home
by xray 6 minutes ago
Navigation link button
by Pan_Paniscus 10 minutes ago
Queen + Knight
by CLINTEASTW00D 10 minutes ago
Mate in 3
by strongamateur 11 minutes ago
Why Join | Chess Topics |
Help & Support |
© 2013 Chess.com