Hi chess types. You may or may not know that I like a bit of a wind-up from time to time. This occasonally gets me into trouble and I am often called a variety of colourful and blasphemous names. I don't know about you, but I find this really amusing when it is articulate and cutting. Only today was I accused of being a 'protracted adolescent' and an 'a**h***'. This, apart from being totally untrue, is pretty second rate. Please hit me with your favourite put downs. Incidentally, they don't have to be aimed at me. I'm sensitive and my mother loves me :)

Anything 'Andrew Dice Clay' has said to his hecklers are my favs! I think you might like him TonyGas. Chubby Brown and Al Murray comebacks to hecklers are classic too!

About half of Winston Churchill's famed quotes are witty put-downs. A couple more:

Lady: If you were my husband, I would poison your coffee.
Churchill: If I were your husband, I would drink it.

"I saw an empty taxi go down the street, and when it stopped, Atlee emerged from it." (Clement Atlee won the post of Prime Minister from Winston in 1945.)

 

Whenever someone says to me "You're a _____", I generally reply "You shouldn't talk to yourself." 

TonyGas wrote:

Hi chess types. You may or may not know that I like a bit of a wind-up from time to time. This occasonally gets me into trouble and I am often called a variety of colourful and blasphemous names. I don't know about you, but I find this really amusing when it is articulate and cutting. Only today was I accused of being a 'protracted adolescent' and an 'a**h***'. This, apart from being totally untrue, is pretty second rate. Please hit me with your favourite put downs. Incidentally, they don't have to be aimed at me. I'm sensitive and my mother loves me :)

---

Probably the only one who could.

 

 Have been called Rude Crude and Socially unacceptable

TonyGas: I’ve a few in mind, but are witty put-downs with cuss words allowed here, or will I be banished to the isle of Patmos?

I'll check the rules.

There are a few simple rules for posting on Chess.com.

#1 - Respect others. Do not be mean.

#2 - No profanity, swearing, or inappropriate language or topics.

#3 - No religious or political debate or commentary in these forums. Religion and politics are important and deeply personal, but Chess.com is a friendly community where we come together around a common love for chess and debating these two topics tend to pull people apart. If you would like to discuss religion or politics, you may want to join this group => Open Discussion Group.

 

I suggest that you use asterisks in place of swears. 

Markle wrote:

 

 Have been called Rude Crude and Socially unacceptable

---

Thats great! I hear that aimed at me regularly on here.

Fey Fey, I would love to hear your profanities but wouldn't like to see you get in trouble with the management. How about you use a few *'s.

Okay:

Your mother is a ************************ing ******************* laurimensome ********************** aigmenvenium ******************************* trrugnau ********************** hippopotamus **************************************** Republican ****************************** and Daniel Radcliff ******************************************* with a bucket of ***************************************** in a castle far away where no one can hear you *************************************************** soup *********************************** with a bucket of ***************************************** Mickey Mouse ************************* and a stick of dynamite ***************************************************************** magical *************************************************** alakazam!

 

Now you know. You must never repeat it. 

Thats a great one, I'll be sure to use it myself at the earliest opportunity.

Don't thank me, thank Dumbledore.

BasicLvrCH8r wrote: I'll check the rules.

---

Thank you for finding that.

TonyGas wrote: Fey Fey, I would love to hear your profanities but wouldn't like to see you get in trouble with the management. How about you use a few *'s.

---

If I did that, I might as well type the whole line in asterisks :)

That bad huh? I'm intrugued now. One of my favourites is from an old Marx Brothers film. A woman tells Groucho she has never been so insulted in all her life, to which he replies 'You should get out more often.'

---

Think it went along the lines of an England player wanting a runner for being injured Assuie wicketkeeper says you can't have a runner just for being fat fat hence the putdown....Quality

Read a post on torrents once some guy was saying how good Coldplay were and how bad Radiohead were

Someone posted reply

You Sir are an idiot ,don't know why but it really tickled me

Someone once said to Winston Churchill, 'If you were my husband I would poison your tea.' To which he replied, 'If you were my wife, I would drink it.'

that cricket reference was a match between zimbabwe and australia. glen mcgrath was bowling at heath streak, and after being frustrated by heath not playing any attacking shots or taking any chances for a quick single, he said to him "heath, why are you so fat?" and we know the rest...