The age-old question: Would you rather be liked or respected?

(I'm curious to hear what everyone on Chess.com has to say)

In my opinion, you've got to be likable to be respected. I can't think of a single person I respect but don't like. For me they are connected ideas.

When I think of respect, I usually isolate it to a particular area or expertise.  For instance, I once knew someone who I respected a great deal in the workplace, but not so much on the basketball court.  But, for purposes of this question, I'll assume we're talking about very broad respect as a person in general.

In this case, I'll go with respect.  I think 'liked' can come by pretty easy and doesn't really say much.  Just being polite and friendly can often do it.  But respect is a bit deeper, implying that your opinion or perspective is valued highly.  I'd even say that sometimes respect can come at the cost of being liked.  The obvious example is telling someone something they need to hear, but they don't want to hear it.

The best of course is to be liked and respected.

Chessroshi wrote: In my opinion, you've got to be likable to be respected. I can't think of a single person I respect but don't like. For me they are connected ideas.

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 agreed.

I would rather be liked first. Being respected just means you have lots of money or power but being liked by people means you are a good person and you have good personality traits such as honesty, kind, caring, and more.

 

Which means I would like to be a good person rather than have a lot of worldly possessions.

MattHelfst wrote:

I would rather be liked first. Being respected just means you have lots of money or power but being liked by people means you are a good person and you have good personality traits such as honesty, kind, caring, and more.

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 I don't respect someone just because they have money or power.  A person has to earn my respect.  So how they use that money or power makes all the difference (and even how they got the money or power).

I'd rather be respected, once you have respect people will like you more.

I strive for either. I am liked, have a large circle of friends, but respected? I think so, but only as a person, not for any acheivements

"I think so, but only as a person, not for any acheivements"

 

That may be a subvariation, or even a subtle main line - is it better to be respected for who you are or for what you've accomplished?

Blimey Tony batgirl goes over my head sometimes.

"batgirl goes over my head sometimes"

 

what a legacy, huh?

Tock wrote: I'd rather be respected, once you have respect people will like you more.

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 i agree with that.

No question, I'd rather be respected.  Usually the people who respect me also like me.  If they don't respect me, what good is their friendship?  good question, though.

I'm respected because I'm liked, and liked because I'm respected.

I would rather have respect that I have earned. Being liked is great but rather ephemeral. Also respect that I don't earn is worthless to me.

In the long run I think that both are important and intertwined enough that it's difficult to seperate them from each other cleanly. 

Liked and contempted.  Let them figure it out after the fact.  

Let me give you a people an example of where liking and respecting are different.  I don't like Dick Cheney, but I definitely respect the man.

mendelbot wrote: I don't like Dick Cheney, but I definitely respect the man.

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Is mendelbot's respect for Mr. Cheney founded on his undoubted acumen in doubling his personal fortune at the expense of thousands of American and countless Iraqi lives , his determination to show the world who is boss, or  some other attribute not readily apparent ?.

Samantha wrote:

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Is mendelbot's respect for Mr. Cheney founded on his undoubted acumen in doubling his personal fortune at the expense of thousands of American and countless Iraqi lives , his determination to show the world who is boss, or  some other attribute not readily apparent ?.

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Please come speak at Columbia University.

fischer wrote: please come speak at Columbia University.

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I should love to, but it seems to be the fashion in USA these days that when one has someting unpalatable to say, one is shouted down, " tasered" or worse. I think I will pass.