For example, I want to make my own flag, and I want it to be 3-D, and possibly include a monkey banging some cymbals together.

I also want a rollover forum signature that either says "thanks for reading, dawg," or "put down the cupcake, fatty," based on whether or not I've graded the member doing the reading as positive or negative (I also want that grading system implemented).

And then there's customized victory messages for live chess; I'd like a miniature parade of field mice, all dressed in band uniforms and carrying sparkly silver balloons to march across the board whenever I win, and possibly beat up the opposing king just for emphasis (each member can have their own parade, obviously whoever wins initiates).

And finally, I'd like to be alerted to any ongoing games, live or correspondence, whenever anyone plays an opening I've decided to study.  I'd particularly like a flashing red bulb whenever someone plays 2. Ke2.

Come on chess.com, it's just a few lines of code!

Who am I parodying?

No, you're right, I just wondered how you caught on so quickly?

Not strictly true; I don't have nearly enough time to keep up with your output.  It's hard enough to slack off at work as much as I already do.

(anyway this "why can't chess.com do this or that" is not solely confined to you, and frankly people complain far too much about the most inconsequentail things in these forums)

So you make threads that you know have no practical purpose?  Okay, well, let me have my fun, then.  I liked the parade idea.

I will get angry if I don't get my parade.

Heartily seconded

 +1

Oh come now, the mice were funny.

You had me at Blue Oyster Cult.

+1