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Member Since:
Jan 10, 2012
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Last Login:
May 27, 2012
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Profile Views:
2497
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Points:
1117
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Occupation: Suspicious behavior
I lived alone in the African bush for six years with a warthog.
And a dwarf mongoose named Milo.
Humor and insults
Now before I tell you about warthog music I should say something about my sense of humor (or what I perceive to be a sense of humor) and also about rudeness/insults.
When you have a certain amount of near misses in real life with real dangerous situations your view of the world and being all serious about everything tends to change fairly dramatically.
My sense of humor certainly does not appeal to a wide audience as my collection of death threats will confirm but the main thing is I don’t confuse humor with a lack of style so I don’t curse or hurl personal insults for any reason.
I really like the chess, I really like the forums and all the humor that goes with it but if you think you are either going to insult me or piss me off with anything you could possibly write on a forum /message/note you are wasting your time.
Until recently I was one of the last know warthog players in the world...
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Warthog playing, once a popular art , is now almost extinct. Personally I like playing on young boars ,they make quite a deep sound but retains a bit of squeal ,unlike full grown hogs. If fed milk the sound comes out all belchy which is great for playing the Blues. I also trained my Collie to stick a cold wet nose between the hogs hind legs on cue,this creates wonderful high notes in between the deeper ones and is great for riffs. Any dog will do but I find longer noses work better. Warthog play is of course a winter sport , not only is your dog's nose colder and more wet but hogs also squeal better in winter.
We all lived in a double storey wooden barn that we shared with my horses ,some chickens ,various birds and a small python.
Before that I travelled the world for seven years and I can honestly say I have had my ass kicked in chess in at least 20 different countries
I cycled through East Africa
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and just thinking about that has prompted me to fetch a beer ,relax and finish this later
Later...
Once I spent a month alone on remote beach in Nicaragua. Huge leatherback turtles would come and lay their eggs on the beach and each night there would be thousands of hatchlings. Then the Nicaraguan army showed up…ten troops under the command of Captain Udiel Merlo, a man with a huge black mustache, a scar on his cheek and a love for chess. He taught me the ultimate opening ….no matter what you open with, no matter your response …the guy with the army issue .45 ACP on his hip always wins. It’s a bit like iron beats paper, rock or scissors
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If I may say so myself my knowledge of chess theory is sick...seriously sick….
Let me explain it this way using a dog metaphor:
Me: “I own a dog…”
What kind ?
Me: “a big one.”
Most other chess players I know:” I own a dog”
What kind?
Most other chess players I know: “It is a two and a half year old miniature brindle Afghan Schnauzer bitch from the Snakowski bloodline , third generation “
When I said my knowledge was ‘sick’ I meant in the old fashioned way