9 Reasons you are NOT a chess Grandmaster!
Submitted by
erik on Thu, 06/21/2007 at 8:39pm.
I have often thought about what it would take to be a chess Grandmaster and if I could be one. I’ve concluded that I just could never get there. But through this process I have identified the 9 reasons why you and I are not one of the few hundred rare Grandmasters on the planet!
#1 You wear a disguise to chess club
You are one of those people who is so shallow that you don’t want others knowing you play chess just because there are a few people who might look down on you (because they are ignorant)….
#2 Your father was a jock
Chess is like a language and you didn’t learn the game early enough, so you didn’t develop the mental pathways necessary to have the right kind of chess brain….
#3 You can’t live on $8,000 a year
While a few Grandmasters make a lot of money in tournaments and sponsorships, most don’t (sadly). So they end up quitting chess or taking jobs where they can study chess at work (yes, your office’s night-time security guy might be a GM!)….
#4 You have A.D.D.
You’re one of those pill-popping modern video-game kids who can’t sit and look at a chessboard for the hours, days, and weeks that are required….
#5 You hate to see others cry
You don’t have the drive to beat your opponent, to emotionally and intellectually crush the person sitting across from you….
#6 You love something else too much
The highest levels of chess require total sacrifice, so if it is not your first (and maybe only) love then you will never be dedicated enough to make it….
#7 You’re a “big picture” guy
You are a visionary, a manager, a person who makes grand sweeping statements, but when it comes to balancing your checkbook or looking 10 moves ahead in a chess position….
#8 You have a “slow processor”
Let’s face it, the average IQ is 100 and some people are above that number and others are below….
#9 You’re an alcoholic
You can’t give up the bottle? Then you can’t… wait a minute, plenty of evidence shows that this point is not true!
So, I guess there are only 8 reasons 
! If you can pass each of the above qualifications, then you are only a few thousand hours away from becoming a Grandmaster! Good luck!
If not, which ones are holding you back?!
(While I poke a little fun at GMs here I actually have the utmost respect for their accomplishments and my teasing is just a manifestation of my jealousy!)
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