We hope everyone had fun with this article! It was our intention to go "over the top" in such a way that no one would really believe it... but for all those who did, please put down the pitch forks and get back to solving Knight Forks 
- Danny -- Still your Co-Director of Content and Professional Relations...
It is with a great sigh of relief that I inform the Chess.com Community of something I have been trying to "take care of" for some time. Today I informed our Co-Director's of Content and Professional Relations that their services would no longer be needed on Chess.com and our scholastic extension site just for kids, ChessKid.com. Their sad expressions did not deter me from making this easy decision...
I am sure this news comes greatly welcomed by the rest of you, tired of David constantly skipping his responsibilities for Political Activist movements and Pool Parties, and it goes without saying that Rensch's act was getting old. Danny's ridiculous, obnoxious behaviour in every video lecture and Chess/TV Show has been the cause of never ending headaches for my support team.
Mr. Pruess has "played in the pool" for the last time on Chess.com's dime...
"Finally, I can spend my afternoons drinking tea and eating crumpets like I was meant to, instead of wasting hours putting out "Rensch fires" all over the site -- insulting and upsetting members left and right", said Kohai -- Head of Tickets and Support.
"Finally, no more 'checkalinalaschlamba's or exclamaviatchs' to drive me crazy and keep me up at night", commented Jay - Senior Developer and Co-Founder of Chess.com.
I must say, I rather enjoyed my Sunday after taking care of this important item on my To-Do List. Why did it take me so long you wonder? Well, in their "well negotiated contracts" (darn David's good lawyer) it was clearly stated I needed do cause. Despite a clear lack of productivity or beneficial contributions, my legal team informed me that I needed more...
Little did Danny and David know how closely I've been watching them...
It took some brainstorming, but I finally cooked up a plan to "tempt" the Content Directors into revealing their true character: I proposed the ridiculous idea of hosting "Blitz Death Matches" for cash, and suggested that David and Danny play the first match (and yes, you can all thank me for cancelling any and all future Death Matches now that I have achieved the true purpose behind them). I knew the cash would be too much for them to resist:
Not surprisngly, Danny was the first to act while David "played nice"..
But soon after I left the room, David joined in the celebration...
And my hidden camera captured all the proof I (or should I say we) needed! They tried to steal all the money that was only meant for show!! Chess.com became a better place today, and, well, you're welcome! I will begin my quest to find some "real help" to replace these jokers very soon. You'll all be glad to know that I played with their emotions when I delivered the news, even suggesting they could battle it out in a "Thumb War" to decide who stays:
Of course I fired them both immediately after they finished...
I respectfully ask for the entire Chess.com Community to accept my apologies that it took so long to "wash my hands" of the mess I made by hiring these two, and I hope our future will be one where respectful, responsible Director's of Content and Professional Relations manage our great web site.
Sincerely,
Erik - Co-Founder of Chess.com