Behold..... Sir Patches.............FEAR IT!!

Submitted by Aristokatt on Tue, 08/12/2008 at 10:15pm.

I am SIR PATCHES... the most perfect being ever to impression the earth with imprint of my paw! I feel no shame. My audacity knows no bounds. Humans are beneath me. Your only purpose is to feed me. My main purpose is to turn food into shit. In the mean time, I will single out your most prized possessions and demolish them... and YOU WILL LIKE IT! I will plop my blubber where ever the hell I please. If you disturb me, I will unleash my FURY upon thee with lighting like quickness... extracting your eyeball. It will be my new play toy. By day, I bask in ultimate luxury while emitting melodious quantities of inescapable SMUGNESS! By night, I stalk my pray with meticulous precision and unbridled malous, ANTICIPATING the moment when my razor like fangs will shred the flesh from your SQUIRMING BONES!!! Submit your allegiance to me and not only will you be permitted to live, I might be generous enough to leave your inferior little spine intact.