Fighting Back Against Busy Body Christmas Letters
Don't you detest those tedious Christmas cards from people who abuse the holiday by rambling on about all the crap their family did this year instead of sharing any kind of well-wishing? "Holiday cheer" gets twisted into one big cheer for themselves. Punks! Often it's ex-military guys who used to be higher ranked than the people on their mailing list and their letter is how they show they're still better than you. The underlying message being "We win because there's no way your family could possibly have done this much stuff this year!" Or maybe it's a hopeless busybody writing to you who really doesn't know any better, thinking that if they're able to cram all these details into their Christmas letter it somehow justifies how they spent the whole year chasing their own tail at a breakneck pace with perhaps little joy. So for them it's an overly loud "See? See! I did all this stuff. ......I matter!"
So for these people, I write back using a pen name and I give them a status report on a fictional family who blew them out of the water in 2008 in terms of activities, travel, and prestige. The whole time they're reading they're asking each other, "Honey, who are the McNutts? Do we know anybody named McNutt? Because they sure seem to know us." Then, towards the end, I'll start to get extra absurd so they can realize they've been had. Like I'll close with: "And for those of you who were wondering about Greg, yes he's still down in the jungles of Ecuador seeking retribution for when his wife Jerry got 'frisked' for an hour and a half at a border checkpoint."
Well, Merry Christmas to ALL, even to those who didn't keep up with the Jimenez this year.