Post Trny Blahs, ...

Post Trny Blahs, ...

Jun 18, 2010, 4:07 PM |

 No honorable swisser ever refused my gambit before (1.Nf3 d5  2.e4!? with, ...Bg4).



An obnoxious & insulting move to slap in the face of an honorable gambiteer such as I?


Suffering from fourth-round neuro freeze, I blew it and ended with an eekie 1.5 point trny.


$5.37. ... That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me.  


 I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint, two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher.


Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started back to the truck for some change when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the harshest thing anyone has ever said to me.


He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."


I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the crash of change hitting the counter in front of me. "For you, Gramps, it's only $4.68," he said  with  a smart-ass grimace on his face.


I stood there stupefied. I am 48, not even 50 yet? A mere child!  Senior citizen?


I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me?


I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a double-attack smart-ass grimace on his kisser.


Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me.


"Dude, Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?"


I stared with utter disdain at my keys.


I began to rationalize in my mind, "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly.

It could happen to anyone."


I turned and headed back to the truck, slipped the key into the ignition; Nope, Nope.


What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing.


That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror.


I had no purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror.


Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat.  Happy Meal toys spread on the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.


Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle and into mine.


Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.


I swung the truck around in furious courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time.


There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?" All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here?" At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.


Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly Eminem came up and tapped on me. He was holding up a drink and a bag. "I think you left this in my truck by mistake."


I took the food and drink from the virtual realist and sheepishly apologized.


He offered these words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."


All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. I told the officer, "NO! I'm not too old to be driving THAT fast!"


As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I plomped into my rocker and covered my legs with a blanket.


The good news was I had successfully found my way home.


PS: Save the Earth. .... It's the only planet with chocolate!