Goldfish, having babies, pet dogs & more
Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish.
"I think it's got epilepsy" he tells the vet.
Vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me".
Paddy says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".
Paddy shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No", shouts Paddy, "this is her husband!"
An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable.
His wife says "Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
"Here boy" he replies.
at the doctor's surgery. . .
The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks:
'So, Murphy, how was your day?'
Murphy told him that he took care of three patients.
'The first one had a headache so he did, so I gave him Paracetamol.'
'Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?' asks the doctor.
'The second one had indigestion and I gave him Gaviscon, so I did sir' Says Murphy.
'Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?' Asks the doctor.
'Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a young gorgeous woman bursts in so she does.
Like bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everything including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spreading
her legs and shouts: 'HELP ME for the love of St Patrick! For five years I have not seen any man!''
Tunderin' lard Murphy, what did you do?' asks the doctor.
'I put drops in her eyes!'
et finally . . .