99 top reasons you might be a virginia-neck

99 top reasons you might be a virginia-neck

Oct 6, 2009, 10:11 PM |

99 top reasons you might be a virginia-neck


1- You can name at least three of Mike Joynes’ law partners.

2- You can finish the "Beach Ford" song…

3- You know that 64 West in Chesapeake is actually going east.

4- Virginia Beach is "Va Beach" unless you actually live there.

5- You know that "Hampton Roads" aren’t actual roads.

6- You don’t go to the beach every day.

7- You don’t want to go to the beach every day.

8- You know which beaches to avoid, unlike the tourists.

9- You believe that Meyera Oberndorf will be the mayor of Virginia Beach for all time.

10- Little Neck and Great Neck are not locations on Long Island.

11- Little Neck Creek is not on Little Neck.

12- Any westbound trip you’ve ever made involves at least one tunnel.

13- You can name at least three underwater tunnels within a twenty mile radius of your home. Extra points if you can name all five.[1]

14- One of your Adopt-A-School partners in elementary school was a U.S. Navy vessel.

15- You can say "Norfolk" while sounding neither obscene nor incorrect.

16- You don’t stop and look skyward when aircraft fly over.

17- You’ve seen Rudy Boesch in the Farm Fresh.

18- You’ve seen Pat Robertson in the Farm Fresh.

19- You’ve seen The Neptunes in the Farm Fresh.

20- You’ve seen Timbaland in the Farm Fresh.

21- You’ve seen Missy Elliott in the Farm Fresh.

22- You even know what a Food Lion is.

23- You know which parts of each city to stay out of.

24- Sometimes the cities just blur into one big metropolis.

25- Sorry, I meant "suburb."

26- You’ve been to more minor-league sports games than major-league. (More points if you can name three Hampton Roads minor-league teams)[2]

27- You know that on-base purchases have no sales tax. (Further points if you can name four military installations in the area)[3]

28- Newport News is not a catalog, it is a city.

29- It’s Hampton, not The Hamptons.

30- It’s not a peninsula, it’s the Peninsula. With a capital P.

31- You can name all the I-64 spurs.

32- It’s not Portsmouth, it’s P-town.

33- It’s not Virginia Beach Boulevard, it’s just The Boulevard.

34- The Strip isn’t a nudie bar, it’s a tourist trap.

35- To you, Scope isn’t just mouthwash.

36- The Boathouse doesn’t actually dock any boats.

37- You’ve been to the 17th Street Surf Shop.

38- No, the real one.

39- You know what WRV, Hotline, Roxy, Billabong, and Quiksilver are.

40- You’ve ever heard "South Side" by Moby while actually on the Southside.

41- You know Dam Neck and Birdneck aren’t necks of any kind.

42- You use Cox Cable and refer to Cox High School without even snickering.

43- You know Mount Trashmore is a real place, not a joke.

44- You don’t mind the jet noise.

45- You don’t slow down in the tunnel, because it’s not a big deal. Stupid out-of-towners.

46- Walking up hills causes an instant asthma attack.

47- While away from home, you can identify a fellow HR resident by their being the only one in a 17th Street shirt and flip flops. In December.

48- You can go surfing and strawberry-pickin’ in the same day.

49- The left lane is not the passing lane, it is the only lane.

50- You know what Rita’s Italian Ice is.

51- You have friends at three other high schools, minimum.

52- Jimmy Buffet is a regular fixture at parties and social events.

53- A hermit crab is a legitimate pet.

54- You know not to bring your golf clubs to the Tidewater Country Club.

55- No, it’s a city. Not a county.

56- It’s normal for seven cities to be linked in almost every conceivable way.

57- Your city is 20 miles long but only 3 miles wide.

58- You can leave town for years at a time to find the same sections of road still under construction.

59- Base/shipyard traffic is one of the most dehumanizing experiences you can think of.

60- You have to adopt a surrogate professional sports team because you live in the largest metropolitan area without a single one.

61- It’s Seven Five Seven, not Seven Fifty-Seven.

62- An inch of snow closes everything down.

63- 3 inches is a blizzard.

64- You’ve been due for a "Major Hurricane" for about 15 years.

65- Earthquakes? Pardon?

66- Your region is having an identity crisis: Hampton Roads? Greater Norfolk? Tidewater? Norfolk-Virginia Beach-Newport News?

67- At least 75 mph on the interstate: It’s not just a good idea, it’s the law. If you want to survive.

68- You know who the Norwegian Lady is.

69- No, you can’t walk to the beach. Moron.

70- You block the box.

71- You didn’t immediately respond to ..70 with "What?"

72- The pedestrians are only at the beach.

73- You’ve seen Jamestown, Williamsburg, Yorktown, and First Landing. And don’t think it’s that big of a deal.

74- During Real Stories of the Highway Patrol, instead of saying "Too bad for him," you say "That guy was in my gym class!"

75- You can see another 7-11 from the 7-11 you’re currently at.

76- You can’t afford Nordstrom. But you have one.

77- Why shop at Gap and Old Navy when you have Walmart, Target, and Payless?

78- MacArthur was not only a brilliant general, but a fine shopping establishment.

79- Bridges go over water, not land.

80- Tagalog is a language, and you might know a few words, if not speak fluently.

81- You know not to swim at Buckroe Beach.

82- You know Jefferson Park is not a real park.

83- You don’t laugh when you hear "Rip Rap Road."

84- You hear "downtown" and immediately think of some other city.

85- You have to specify which Lynnhaven, Princess Anne, or Kempsville Road you’re referring to.

86- You have to go to DC to see any of the big-name concerts because you live in the largest demographic cul-de-sac in the United States.

87- You can name all the HR cities.[4]

88- You don’t know what the big deal about lacrosse is.

89- Nor do you know what the big deal about ice hockey is. Rhinos? Who?[5]

90- You know that Norfolk International Airport isn’t really an international airport.

91- Newport News/Williamsburg International Airport never even enters your mind.

92- No, you’re not hallucinating. Those are mermaids.

93- You’ve attended the Neptune Festival without being pagan.

94- You’re still wearing sandals in November.

95- You’re a Republican.

96- You know the real reason we haven’t been hit by a hurricane in the last several years is because of Pat Robertson. Emphatically cough here for emphasis.

97- You’ve ever wonder how many fish and crabs PETA killed building their new headquarters on the banks of the beautiful Elizabeth River.

98- You had a nickel for every OBX sticker you saw on the road, you’d be a rich man by now.

99- You’re tired of there being no respect for your home.