A victory on April 15th!

Apr 15, 2010, 5:45 AM |

Today. Wonderful grey April 15... I went to the snack machine. My boss was running late and the office was still locked so i had to kill the time. I made my way down to the first floor, glared at the snack machine with eyes of destiny and set myself up in front of its plexiglass screen.

As I gaze into its plethora of yumminess i come upon the pop tarts. The pop tarts that i had been thinking about all morning, the pop tarts i knew i would certainly have... Or would I... The evil snack machine had devised a plot against me! I feed it my $1 bill - it snacks on it readily and responds with a gloomy "Make your selection." screen with nearly omnipotent red lettering on its digital screen. I can hear it whispering "Johnny five..... disassemble.." in the background.

Readily, I reach for the buttons, accepting its horrendous challenge and pressing the buttons with fierce determination - but no! I fat fingered the keypad! Its small and oddly-positioned-non-numpa

d-styling-close-together buttons had tricked me! The display reads "12" and the sharp feeling of the button on the farthest reaching edge of my index finger sends a chill down my spine as my brain alerts me to the all too well known feeling of pressing the wrong button. Immediately my heart sinks, I scan the snack machine in great anticipation, seeking the snack they call "12" and it presents itself to me.... Barbecue Chips. The little spinning rods being to slowly turn, at a speed that would make a snail yearn for more. The BBQ chips are coming. I am helpless to the machines' power.

As they fall down, sadness overcomes me. I had not wanted BBQ chips, I feel as if i purchased a wonderful, brand new basketball but opened the box only to find a soccerball inside - and nobody likes soccer. As I swear to never use the snack machine on April 15th again something absurd happens, something so wild and out of the box I could never have anticipated it in my entire life. The BBQ chips fall 2 rows down and get caught on the Peanut Butter Crackers - my white knight in shining armor.

The Peanut Butter Crackers must have known what this snack machine had been doing and they despised its evil ways, in a moment of glory they siezed the BBQ chips and stopped the plan dead in its tracks.

The Machine has no choice but to resign, after a long pause i can feel the anguish this lone machine is going through, trapped in this corner for all of its life, incapable of any feelings, no hope of freedom. chained to this grey wall. But I dont care. I wanted pop tarts.

The long awkward pause and silence come to an end, in the corner of my eye I see the display read "... Make another selection..."

It is defeated, it yields to the power of the Peanut Butter Crackers.

I now see the brilliant ways of the Peanut Butter Crackers, they knew this all along and I could not let their plan go to waste. I free'd them, choosing their designated number the machines' steely rods began to turn the Peanut Butter Crackers out of their prison, first the chips fall, then the crackers topple down and like a gorgeous Cirque de Soleil display of dexterity and agility they flip down, hit the pop tarts which were broken in half and the weight of both breakfast delicacies is too much for the evil machines' steely rods to hold in place. The pop tarts topple over and are delivered, along with the bastard child BBQ chips and the inspiring Peanut Butter Crackers.

The weight sensor on the machines' delivery slot must be in tears at this point, in an attempt to disalign my morning and give me BBQ chips, I gained 2 additional treats.

The moral of the story? I think you know.

BBQ Chips - 55 cents
Peanut Butter Crackers - 75 cents
Pop Tarts - 85 cents

All three for 55 cents? Priceless.