This thread is a lion and has a thorn in it's paw.
gg battle: a must read
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This thread has a serious urinary tract infection, a fever, and an inflamed bladder. Without antibiotics and a catheter, it will not survive the night. It's just staring at you limply on a steel metal table with the pale ghost of threadness in it's eyes.
Lol good one! This thread needs treatment from a qualified nurse and a shot of B 12.
This Thread survives-with no shots.
Shock and denial are the natural first reactions to the end of this thread. After the anger, bargaining, depression, reflection, and loneliness, though, will come reconstruction, acceptance, and hope. We're all here for you.
And CPR worked and now the comeback of the year!
This Thread knows the steps, but will not succumb.
The EMTs performed heroically, and for a few moments there was jubilation in the room. But sadly, it was not to last. The doctor steeled himself before meeting the family and
HOLY F*CK THERE"S A F*CKING SPIDER ON MY DESK AND IT"S F*CKING HUGE AND I JUST CRUSHED IT WITH MY OLD TAX RETURN PRINTOUT
where was I... the doctor has been through this before, and thinks to himself "This is the part of the job I hate the most".
This Thread is a fan of spiders
Two words: Hubba Bubba. This thread vomits slightly into its mouth, before giving a desparate last gasp.
Spiders live for this thread.
This Thread never vomits.
And This Thread knows its limits.
This Thread is such that it would make Spider-Man jealous
This thread is counting down the Summer Olympics.
"This is always the hardest part", he thought to himself, as he braced to talked to the thread family. Over in the corner sat Parham Thread, with a slightly disreputable air. The Invinted Opining Thread stared at him balefully, challenging him to prove him wrong. And the nascent Conspiracy Theory thread looked at him distrustfully from it's stroller.
He took a deep breath, and began his recitation. "Autoerotic ashpysxia with complications is the technical name, and although people often find it uncomfortable to talk about it, there's really quite a significant amount of research that shows..."
...that it's way too risky to even try, this thread knows better...
This Thread does not need to discuss things. It states.
This thread needs to be brought to the vet. The kids can be told that this thread went to live on a farm, to play with the other threads in it's own way.