need opening for black against e4

I like to play d4

Yeres is making the most sense here.  Jumping from one opening system to the next is not going to benefit you at all.  Most of the times when you hate some of the "mainstream" openings, it is because you don't fully understand the ideas behind them, or you are losing because of something else like tactics.  You might end up thinking that no opening system is working out for you, while most of the time all it takes is a strong player or a coach to point out tactical or positional mistakes.

Is divine assistance cheating?  Been playing terrible, so I prayed to Christ - just won my first tournament.  French, KG, semi-slav, everything was just miraculously working.  Can't tell if everyone is just playing terrible or I was playing great. (Sort of like Tebow beating injury-riddled Pittsburgh I guess). I was beating 1400's right and left which is great for me, then blew the last game, but still won tournament.  

Praying is fine - provided you remember who is the pawn and who is the

King.

There's nothing wrong with the French, forget what I said previously - I just start blundering at some point usually.  Here's a game from this tournament  I just won. In this game my opponent was the one blundering, but then he hung in there pretty gamely, so maybe its worth posting.

I find that if I play the endgame first i usually win

That was disturbing.

Like Celebrity Ghost Chess.

Try e5 , prepare Scotch, Four Knights And try Berlin, if you are fine grinding out endings

Was wondering if there was a black version of KG so will definitely check that out.

the pirc is a good idea the complete pirc by jon nunn is a good book...

you could try reading some books on accelerated dragon or you could just try the caro kann

There is the Latvian Gambit.  http://www.thechesswebsite.com/chess-openings/latvian-gambit.php