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1000 Signs you play chess too LITTLE!

  • #121

    182. You don't play any chess because you're afraid of losing
    183. You think Bughouse is a game where you put as many bugs as you can on a chessboard
    184. You insist on promoting your pawn to a pawn
    185. When your opponent says "check", you move the queen.
    186. You put the knights on the c and f files, and put the bishops on the b and g files
    187. You don't know what a file is
    188. You don't know what a rank is
    189. You insist on making a 9x9 chessboard because you need more pieces to win
    190. You think that kings can't capture pieces
    191. When your opponent says "checkmate", you call another player to check the board
    192. You think chess is a card game
    193. You spell Bobby Fischer as Bobby Fisher
    194. You think Bobby Fischer was a fisherman

  • #122

    195. You think your rating is your ranking, so you think you're the best in the world

  • #123

    196. You think that a fork is when you put the piece on a fork
    197. When you create a skewer, you start grilling the pieces on a skewer

  • #124

    198. You think that capturing a piece en prise means you get a prize
    199. You think that the king is a regular piece that can be captured
    200. You think that castling means to bring out your rooks, since you think they're called castles

  • #125

    201. You, as white, don't know how to mate in this position
  • #126

    When white claims check mate

  • #127

    202. You only play chess on rainy days to entertain yourself
    203. You don't bother playing--you just watch other people's games
    204. You always put your knights on the rim
    205. You fianchetto your king
    206. You think fianchetto is an Italian food
    207. You don't know Karpov's first name
    208. You don't know the difference between Kasparov and Karpov
    209. You pronounce FIDE as fy-d

  • #128

    210. You play the King-pawn endgame with a Bishop. 

  • #129

    211. You castle Queenside by switching the Rook's and the Queen's places. 

  • #130

    212. You play Nh9 on the 57th move. 

  • #131

    213. You think you can't move the King unless it's in Check or all of your pieces are captured. 

  • #132

    214. You're calling the squares on your board as White and Black. 

  • #133

    215. Your king and queen are forked, and you don't know which piece to save
    216. You think the white pieces only go on white squares
    217. You think the black pieces only go on black squares
    218. You think bishops are the most mobile in the corner with open diagonals

  • #134

    219. You think that when a piece goes through one corner/edge of the board, it emerges from the opposite one. 

  • #135

    220. You think that only Philidor played the French Defense

  • #136

    221. You don't think that the coordinates on the board matter, so sometimes you set up your white pieces on the 7 & 8 rank, and then other times you put the black pieces on the 1 & 2 rank.
    222. You try triple-jumping 3 pieces with your knight, like people do in checkers
    223. You just can't wrap your mind around how the knight moves
    224. You don't get the point of stalemate--if you trapped the king, it should be a win for you

  • #137

    225. You think that pawns can capture going forwards

  • #138

    226. You think pawns can go backwards

  • #139
    Berder wrote:

    78. You reach an endgame with two kings and no other pieces, but you still get checkmated.

    79. Your knights can't quite jump high enough to get over other pieces.

    80. You tried to fork your opponent's king and queen but found them hard to chew.  Maybe next time you'll try a spoon.

    81. The last time you tried a smothered mate you wound up in the ER for asphyxiation.

    82. You try to sacrifice your queen early because her pointy crown keeps stabbing you in the thumb.

    83. You can never remember whether pawns move forwards or backwards.

    84. Your favorite opening is the Bongcloud.

    85. You once made a mistake setting up the pieces so your king was in checkmate in the starting position.

    Best ones.

  • #140

    227. You can't understand why so much study is put into openings -- after all, Ruy Lopez is great, isn't it?


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