1000 Signs you play chess too LITTLE!
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201. You, as white, don't know how to mate in this position
When white claims check mate
202. You only play chess on rainy days to entertain yourself
203. You don't bother playing--you just watch other people's games
204. You always put your knights on the rim
205. You fianchetto your king
206. You think fianchetto is an Italian food
207. You don't know Karpov's first name
208. You don't know the difference between Kasparov and Karpov
209. You pronounce FIDE as fy-d
210. You play the King-pawn endgame with a Bishop.
211. You castle Queenside by switching the Rook's and the Queen's places.
212. You play Nh9 on the 57th move.
213. You think you can't move the King unless it's in Check or all of your pieces are captured.
214. You're calling the squares on your board as White and Black.
215. Your king and queen are forked, and you don't know which piece to save
216. You think the white pieces only go on white squares
217. You think the black pieces only go on black squares
218. You think bishops are the most mobile in the corner with open diagonals
219. You think that when a piece goes through one corner/edge of the board, it emerges from the opposite one.
220. You think that only Philidor played the French Defense
221. You don't think that the coordinates on the board matter, so sometimes you set up your white pieces on the 7 & 8 rank, and then other times you put the black pieces on the 1 & 2 rank.
222. You try triple-jumping 3 pieces with your knight, like people do in checkers
223. You just can't wrap your mind around how the knight moves
224. You don't get the point of stalemate--if you trapped the king, it should be a win for you
225. You think that pawns can capture going forwards
226. You think pawns can go backwards
Berder wrote:
78. You reach an endgame with two kings and no other pieces, but you still get checkmated.
79. Your knights can't quite jump high enough to get over other pieces.
80. You tried to fork your opponent's king and queen but found them hard to chew. Maybe next time you'll try a spoon.
81. The last time you tried a smothered mate you wound up in the ER for asphyxiation.
82. You try to sacrifice your queen early because her pointy crown keeps stabbing you in the thumb.
83. You can never remember whether pawns move forwards or backwards.
84. Your favorite opening is the Bongcloud.
85. You once made a mistake setting up the pieces so your king was in checkmate in the starting position.
Best ones.
227. You can't understand why so much study is put into openings -- after all, Ruy Lopez is great, isn't it?
228. You don't have any chess pieces.
229. You call the knights "wooden horses"
230. You don't know where to get a chessboard, so you make one out of paper
231. You call it a draw by insufficient material when you have 2 bishops and king vs. king
232. You think the king can capture protected pieces
233. After move 2, you only move your king
234. You think people sacrificing their queen for checkmate are crazy
235. You don't know what a back rank mate is
236. You sacrifice your king because of his pointy cross
237. You sacrifice your queen early because you don't like its looks
238. You purposely move your knights where they're unprotected so you can get them off the board because you don't like the way they look
239. You sacrifice your bishops because you don't like the look of them
240. You think pawns are cute so you sacrifice every other piece to keep ahold of them
241. You castle by move 107
242. You connect your rooks by using magnets to connect them
243. You pin a piece by sewing it to the board
244. You think you can only move knights at night
245. You always play Fischer Random due to the fact you don't know how to set up the pieces
