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2826-4000 Worst Things To Do While Playing Chess

  • #1381

    Uh, no. 

    Go back to bed.

  • #1382

    3642. Singing, "I queenside castled, but was queenside hassled," hip-hop lyrics too much while it is your opponent's turn.

     

  • #1383

    3643. Forgetting to get your gigbait on when you've got 20 minutes left to make a legendary play

     

  • #1384

    3644. Reciting to your opponent all your algebraic notation in Pig Latin while he's thinking:

     

    "Esyay, ellway fteraay c5Nay, apturingcay noay 5eay siay enderedray selessuay, tillsay hetay ovemay a5Nay utspay hetay nightkay noay hetay imray ndaay hattay siay rimgay!"

     

    The world needs fewer algebraic pigs.

  • #1385

    Unleashing your hairy gorilla before the Queen has finished her marmalade salad... something strictly forbidden in all former, potential, current, and future commonwealth nations! 

    null

  • #1386

    3646. Singing the song Dino Mascots Acquired to your opponent when it is his turn in the game:

     

    Dino Mascots Acquired

    Dino Mascots acquired,
    Dino Mascots acquired.

    Do you know the secret of the f3s?
    Do you know the secret of the grapemate and green beans?
    Do you know the secret of the budgies and the fleas?
    Do you know the secret? Tell me it by all means.
    Dino Mascots acquired,
    Dino Mascots acquired.

    Peacock was barfing Worcestershire sauce all over T-rex
    and after I played f3 I noticed some suspicious looking checks
    peacock kept barfing sauce over T-rex
    didn’t care as long as I got into and out of sex,
    just move, block, or grapemate with my Czech mate,
    says here in the specs.
    Dino Mascots acquired,
    Dino Mascots acquired.

    What more could you want?
    What more could you knead
    than some Afghan Crumb Butter
    and a Mason-Dixon baker with a mouth to feed?
    Dino Mascots acquired,
    Dino Mascots acquired.

    I was hearing euphoniums,
    and rock music. They was stones. They was trombones.
    Making enconiums
    with rock music. They was stones. They was trombones.
    stepped up onto the podiums
    with rock music. They were bones. I was stoned.
    To hell with all this pandemonium
    with rock music. They was stones confirmed, smashed my i-Phone.
    Dino Mascots acquired,
    Dino Mascots acquired.

    Sometimes I tire
    of hearing the preacher, the congregation, and the choir.
    Just wanna get me some of that dino-biscuit fire.
    Even Jack Reacher couldn’t teach her
    to cruise up to dem biscuits
    Dino Mascots acquired.
    Dino Mascots acquired.

    From France to Manila,
    all we need’s a big hairy gorilla.
    I’ve got French ants in my vanilla,
    all we need’s a big hairy gorilla.
    Dino Mascots acquired,
    Dino Mascots acquired.

    A zinger, a flinger, a multibanded clinger,
    close me in a phone book before you put me through the wringer…
    A zinger, a flinger, a multibanded clinger,
    close me in a phone book before you put me with a right-winger…
    Dino Mascots acquired,
    Dino Mascots acquired.

    There were Barbary French dinosaurs with sabres,
    Horatio Nelson dinosaurs in labor,
    Nils Grandelius dinosaurs with conductive hearing loss
    from drinking so much of the worstest ever sauce...
    Dino Mascots acquired,
    Dino Mascots acquired.

    Dino mascots in their cute little ascots,
    Dino mascots in their cute little culottes,
    Dino mascots cute as Don Knotts or Naomi Watts,
    Dino mascots lookin’ cute in everyone’s thoughts.
    Dino Mascots acquired,
    Dino Mascots acquired.

    So we were banditos in the dust,
    sniff bum
    drinking outta wine cups we must,
    beat drum
    banditos you could never trust
    I’m dumb
    drinking Hornitos with cactus and rust
    that’s some stiff rum!
    Dino Mascots acquired,
    Dino Mascots acquired.

    Yes, from France to Manila,
    all we need’s a big hairy gorilla.
    I’ve got ants in my pudding,
    all we need’s a big hairy gorilla.
    Dino Mascots acquired,
    Dino Mascots acquired.

    We have ironed sandwiches and dumpy blintzes in the bathroom,
    few bottles of lumpy Worcestershire sauce in the stockroom,
    bags of concentrated jumpy unicorn farts in the playroom,
    Gaddafi and a grumpy gorilla in Katy’s dressing room,
    Dino Mascots acquired,
    Dino Mascots acquired.

    What more could you want?
    What more could you knead
    than some Afghan Crumb Butter flour
    and a Mason-Dixon baker with a mouth to feed?

    Sometimes I tire
    of hearing the preacher, the congregation, and the choir.
    Just wanna get me some of that dino-biscuit fire.
    Even Jack Reacher couldn’t teach her
    to cruise up to dem biscuits
    Dino Mascots acquired,
    Dino Mascots acquired.

    Yeah from France to Manila,
    all we need’s a big hairy gorilla.
    Where you putting my pants?
    All we need’s a big hairy gorilla.
    Dino Mascots acquired,
    Dino Mascots acquired.
    Dino Mascots required.
    Dino Mascots refired.

    (Repeat back to chorus 47 times)

     

  • #1387

    3647. Reciting the Bhagavad Gita in Hungarian, backwards, too much while it is your opponent's turn in the chess game, causing him (or her) to become Yuyutsavaha and don a Dallas Cowboys helmet, acting as Tony Romo, and dancing the hairy-gorilla-lambada(!) Surprised while hurling his (or her) king at your face for an interception, leading to their first turnover in the game, a Pillsbury real apple turnover...

    - no, not that Pillsbury, silly...

     

    ...no, not that turnover, silly...

  • #1388

    3648. Jumping into a wild Letkajenkka before the middle game has even commenced!

    ...but if you must, don't forget to let your bublitschki go rolling down the white staircase to a spot where it smacks the accordion with the cream cheese.

     

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