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3647-6000 Worst Things To Do While Playing Chess

  • #1

     3647. Letting people troll your threads while you're busy with a game, it could see you punished! 

  • #2

    3648. Drinking potassium cyanide when your queen gets sacked

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  • #3

    3649. Allowing any hairy gorillas to post on this thread before eating their bananas.

     

  • #4

     3650.  Selling the rights to your chess empire to the Habsburgs in exchange for an extra pawn in the midgame. However regardless of whether you win or lose the proceeds belong to Habsburgs sad.png 

  • #5

    3651. Accidentally impaling your rumba clave with a pointy bishop.

    3652. Intentionally impaling your rumba clave with a pointy bishop.

     

    "Hey, hey, I get to it."

  • #6

    3653. Getting TRAPPED by the duke of dirty laundry only 3 moves into his opening. What a devilish devil he is, working in ways neither bound by spirit nor air. He might just hang you there for god knows how long. Best get something comfortable to eat, and tasty to wear. You'll probably just run out of time in the next few days cause he only plays correspondence.


     

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  • #7
    twighead wrote:

    3653. Getting TRAPPED by the duke of dirty laundry only 3 moves into his opening. What a devilish devil he is, working in ways neither bound by spirit nor air. He might just hang you there for god knows how long. Best get something comfortable to eat, and tasty to wear. You'll probably just run out of time in the next few days cause he only plays correspondence.


     

     

     

    Makes for a good game of tetherball though. Horizontal tetherball, not vertical tetherball.

  • #8

    3654. “Did you hear about the archaeologists that found a new leg bone? It was a fossil-arm!”
      This dad level joke delivered by my coworker and friend Damir as I moved my queen around around at random, avoiding grapemate was more than just an eye roll-inducing pun that conflated the study of ancient human civilizations with that of extinct organisms. It was a perfect example of the contrast between the academic community and regular folk’s interpretations about paleontology in general.

  • #9

    3655. Taking too many terns when it is your turn.

  • #10

    3656. Consulting the demagogue Irandiku for advice on en passant acceptance or denialism. Tell me o great Irandiku, shalt I adhere to this well known, yet unknown law? Shall the peons outside the realm of chessdom continue to prance about in virtue without a knowledge of the beautiful iris that is EN PASSANT? 

    En passant this; you impertinent fools

    nullnull

  • #11

    3657. Play checkers at the same time, in which you are winning in the checkers game, yet losing in the chess game

  • #12

    3658. flip the board and pretend you are your opponent and make bad moves for yourself

  • #13
    iballisticsquid123 wrote:

    3658. flip the board and pretend you are your opponent and make bad moves for yourself

     

    3659. Flip your opponent because you are bored and pretend your opponent doesn't think this move is bad for yourself when your opponent goes ballistic like a squid.

  • #14
    stewardjandstewardj wrote:

    3657. Play checkers at the same time, in which you are winning in the checkers game, yet losing in the chess game

     

    3660. Slay woodpeckers as the famed crime in which you are sinning in the woodpecker's blame, yet abusing the distressed dames*.

     

    * - dames - presumably the queens?

  • #15

    3661. Drowning in grapemate to an uncharacteristic degree... Yes... I get it. Grapemate is vital to the universe and all of its various proceedings, keeping satan in checkmate etc.. but if you swallow too much of it you're not going to be able to tell your hindquarters from your great grandmothers delicious pot pie! 

  • #16

    3662. Me find it amazing that we almost to 6,000 worst things already! Well, you know what they say: time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana, and so do hairy gorillas...

  • #17
    Make your opponent drunk 😵
  • #18
    colnlin wrote:
    Make your opponent drunk 😵

     

    3663. Bake your opponent a skunk. surprise.png

  • #19

    3664. Discovering that the "bedrock" of your chess knowledge foundation is nothing more than a crumbling old sewer system backed up with hairy gorilla feces and expired dino-biscuits, not to mention those old-time blintzes no one's talking about these days. Are we cleaning our two bathrooms, folks, or just pushing some pawns around? 💩 💩

     

  • #20
    ChessPlayinDude47 wrote:

    3664. Discovering that the "bedrock" of your chess knowledge foundation is nothing more than a crumbling old sewer system backed up with hairy gorilla feces and expired dino-biscuits, not to mention those old-time blintzes no one's talking about these days. Are we cleaning our two bathrooms, folks, or just pushing some pawns around? 💩 💩

     

     

    Totally just remembered what's for breakfast.... xie xie!

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