5,000 Signs You Don't Know Enough About Chess

  • #501
    chessgm8 wrote:

    700. You set the pieces up like this and still lose:

     

     

    White has a mate in 3. Is that supposed to be the joke?

  • #502
    Grandmaster3141 wrote:
    chessgm8 wrote:

    700. You set the pieces up like this and still lose:

     

     

    White has a mate in 3. Is that supposed to be the joke?

    Yeah-White doesn't know enough about chess to find the mate! Laughing

  • #503
    Grandmaster3141 wrote:
    chessgm8 wrote:

    700. You set the pieces up like this and still lose:

     

     

    White has a mate in 3. Is that supposed to be the joke?

    Hi, I go by ClavierCavalier, and I welcome you to planet Earth.  This is a chess website.  Using a primative invention we call the internet, mankind is able to play chess with people across the world, as well as search youtube, wikipedia, and porn.  Don't worry, you'll soon be addicted to all of these once we get you started!  This thread on this web based forum is about jokes pretaining to people who don't know anything about chess.  A joke is something that causes humor, which is an illogical human emotion.

  • #504

    701. You try moving your king on your first move
    702. You try moving your queen on your first move
    703. You try moving your bishop on your first move
    704. You try moving your rook on your first move
    705. You say the only piece that you can't move on your first move is your knight
    706. You say your c-pawn has the power to see anything on the board
    707. This is the solution to your "tactics" puzzle:



  • #505

    708. You think you are a GM when you reach a rating of 800
    709. You think you are an IM when you reach a rating of 900
    710. You think you are an NM when you reach a rating of 950
    711. You call yourself an FM when you reach a rating of 600
    712. You have a chess clock set for 5 minutes, and you say, "It isn't 5:00!"

    714. You don't know enough about chess to reach the position above

  • #506
  • #507
    [COMMENT DELETED]
  • #508

    LOL Grandmaster3141! What I want to know is how you got the computer to make those kinds of moves.

  • #509

    716. When you think "en passant" is the french name for a move called "the fish" (true story)

  • #510

    717. You play this game:



  • #511
    OldChessDog wrote:

    LOL Grandmaster3141! What I want to know is how you got the computer to make those kinds of moves.

    Open up the game inserter and insert the PGN file.

  • #512

    718. you resign by knocking down your queen.

    719. you think that you can attach peices to your knight to make them "ride the horsey."

    720. you think that rooks can promote.

  • #513

    721.With a saitek clock you are scared when the little thing pops up and you always are pressing it to make sure it doesnt pop up and scare you

    722. you think that G30 time contrlols is when the whole game takes 30 minutes so you get your timer and wait 29 minutes and 59 secconds and hit the clock then you say that you won on time

  • #514
    chessgm8 wrote:
    OldChessDog wrote:

    LOL Grandmaster3141! What I want to know is how you got the computer to make those kinds of moves.

    Open up the game inserter and insert the PGN file.

    doesn't work

  • #515

    723. You think that pawns can also promote into kings.

    724. You think that a king can be taken

    725. You always fall for the two move checkmate

    726. You think that pawns can promote anywhere

    727. You think queens can castle

  • #516

    728. You think you're the best player in the world when you lose all your games

    729. You think you can take away your king, hug him and say he is protected

  • #517
    PSSHH wrote:

    723. You think that pawns can also promote into kings.

    724. You think that a king can be taken

    725. You always fall for the two move checkmate

    726. You think that pawns can promote anywhere

    727. You think queens can castle

    723 was already said multiple times!

  • #518
    PSSHH wrote:
    chessgm8 wrote:
    OldChessDog wrote:

    LOL Grandmaster3141! What I want to know is how you got the computer to make those kinds of moves.

    Open up the game inserter and insert the PGN file.

    doesn't work

    Open up the game inserter and when it asks you what kind of chess related thing you want to make, click on "Game or Sequence of Moves" and click on the last option (The PGN File). Then, insert your moves and it should work.

  • #519

    PSSHH, I made this doing what I said in the above comment.

  • #520

    730. You play 1. Kxe7#!

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