5,000 Signs You Don't Know Enough About Chess

Hi, I go by ClavierCavalier, and I welcome you to planet Earth.  This is a chess website.  Using a primative invention we call the internet, mankind is able to play chess with people across the world, as well as search youtube, wikipedia, and porn.  Don't worry, you'll soon be addicted to all of these once we get you started!  This thread on this web based forum is about jokes pretaining to people who don't know anything about chess.  A joke is something that causes humor, which is an illogical human emotion.

701. You try moving your king on your first move
702. You try moving your queen on your first move
703. You try moving your bishop on your first move
704. You try moving your rook on your first move
705. You say the only piece that you can't move on your first move is your knight
706. You say your c-pawn has the power to see anything on the board
707. This is the solution to your "tactics" puzzle:

708. You think you are a GM when you reach a rating of 800
709. You think you are an IM when you reach a rating of 900
710. You think you are an NM when you reach a rating of 950
711. You call yourself an FM when you reach a rating of 600
712. You have a chess clock set for 5 minutes, and you say, "It isn't 5:00!"

714. You don't know enough about chess to reach the position above

LOL Grandmaster3141! What I want to know is how you got the computer to make those kinds of moves.

716. When you think "en passant" is the french name for a move called "the fish" (true story)

717. You play this game:

Open up the game inserter and insert the PGN file.

718. you resign by knocking down your queen.

719. you think that you can attach peices to your knight to make them "ride the horsey."

720. you think that rooks can promote.

721.With a saitek clock you are scared when the little thing pops up and you always are pressing it to make sure it doesnt pop up and scare you

722. you think that G30 time contrlols is when the whole game takes 30 minutes so you get your timer and wait 29 minutes and 59 secconds and hit the clock then you say that you won on time

doesn't work

723. You think that pawns can also promote into kings.

724. You think that a king can be taken

725. You always fall for the two move checkmate

726. You think that pawns can promote anywhere

727. You think queens can castle

728. You think you're the best player in the world when you lose all your games

729. You think you can take away your king, hug him and say he is protected

723 was already said multiple times!

Open up the game inserter and when it asks you what kind of chess related thing you want to make, click on "Game or Sequence of Moves" and click on the last option (The PGN File). Then, insert your moves and it should work.

PSSHH, I made this doing what I said in the above comment.

730. You play 1. Kxe7#!

23 You use the word  "n00b" to describe new chess players.