Bad chess joke

Pimms please! said Namenonethoughteofmannotcalledhorse and nodded at the Bishops

Many years ago, when I was a kid, a woman said that her husband would play several games of correspondence chess, by setting up ten or more chess boards in his study, so he could play several games at once. She said she was mad about something, so she went in one day, and folded up all the boards, and put the pieces neatly back in their box. He apparently had no record of the moves, cause he freaked out big time. I'm sure he must have considered that a bad joke. :)

A Australian chess player goes to a restaurant and asks for a table. His waiter notices he has a chess set that he puts on the table, as he is sitting down. The waiter asks what he would like to drink. The chess player asks for a beer.

The waiter brings him back his beer and asks what he will be ordering to eat. He replies," I think I am just going to relax, have a few beers and study some positions on me chess board". The waiter replies, " I wish I could take the time to play you, but I am here at work for a while". The patron replies, " Do you think you could give me a good game " ? 

The waiter replies, "sure, I can already give you a check mate, without even playing you" ....

Aralidite: http://go-araldite.com/

chess/jigsaws/twister.

But I digress.

Cheese sandwich pls! said Namenonethoughteofmannotcalledhorse. Also some change for the pool table and can you tell me if there are any wolves to dance with around here?

A chess riddle:

A crotchety old man goes to a chess website and tries to tell jokes and tries to insult people because he has nothing better to do. Who is he ?

He turned. (Towards the horse.)

Fancy a game you two? (he said)

Reckon you're better than those two bishops??

''neigh bother'' (said the horse..)

This should be good!

And no brains and no balls shows up.

Fischer, back from the grave?

Wow, you learned how to describe yourself finally...

Hey HashMarks, your wife called, she wants her dress back.

Hey Weinersnitchel I'm not going to go through the "Heckle and Jeckle" routine with you clowns. When you go away, like the little sniveler you are, I'll be glad to take on your bodyguard.

Then stop sending me Debbie Boone's You Light Up My Life videos.  Apparently you can dish it out but you can't take it. 

He seems especially irritable today, he must have forgot his geritol...

I guess he fails to realize we can have fun talking about him while ignoring him...some people crack me up with how in control of things they think they are, trying to predict future events, etc...

You blocked me over a year ago Dunce so I haven't sent you Jack Sh#t. Here's the deal Moron, you unblock me, keep your slobbering lips shut, and I will take on that Buffoon of yours on your own thread "How Fast Can You Block This Thread". If you don't unblock me everyone will know what a spineless Slug you are. I am leaving now so tomorrow will be the big day.

You are leaving now?  Then don't let those swinging doors hit you in the you know what as you leave.

HessianWarrior wrote:

winerkleiner wrote:

HessianWarrior wrote:

Hey Weinersnitchel I'm not going to go through the "Heckle and Jeckle" routine with you clowns. When you go away, like the little sniveler you are, I'll be glad to take on your bodyguard.

Then stop sending me Debbie Boone's You Light Up My Life videos.  Apparently you can dish it out but you can't take it. 

You blocked me over a year ago Dunce so I haven't sent you Jack Sh#t. Here's the deal Moron, you unblock me, keep your slobbering lips shut, and I will take on that Buffoon of yours on your own thread "How Fast Can You Block This Thread". If you don't unblock me everyone will know what a spineless Slug you are. I am leaving now so tomorrow will be the big day.

I don't have you blocked and won't run from you. I enjoy putting grumpy old men in their place who think it is ok to go around being an @$$#0!# to others. You are definitely senile if you think you have anything over me. Don't forget to change your diaper. We know your full of $#!T and gravity has taken over...

No good joke, let me explain it to you. He was telling his friend that he was going to die by at the latest Saturday. It reminds me of a quote (not sure who said it: Everyone wants to go to heaven but nobody is willing to die to get there. I liked the story of a tournament between Alekhine and a lesser player. Alekhine had a unlit cigar next to his time clock and his opponent complained to the tournament director. But the tournament director told him it was alright since it was unlit. But the opponent pointed out that in chess sometimes the threat is worst than the actual move.

Yeah, those are 3 bads jokes...