Forum job openings

ghost_of_pushwood


Are you 12 years old? Is your IQ astronomical? Do you not only think that you know everything, but KNOW that you do? If so, chess.com now has several spots open for the position of Forum Know-it-all Kid. Contact Ryan in the Enfants Terribles Department.

Have you just decided for the umpteenth time to give up chess forever? Why not turn your anguish into something lucrative--or at least time-consuming--by applying right now for a position as Forum Mope! Contact woody for details.

Have you always loved to delete things? Did you used to hope that your teacher would make you stay after school, just so you could have the pleasure of erasing the blackboards? Do you also enjoy using different-colored pens? If so, a position as Mod might be right up your alley. Several unpaid internships are currently available.

Do you love word games? Are you incurably silly? Is "first" your very favorite word in the English language? Chess.com's Derp Department now has a position available as Senior Pointless Poster.

Are you a certifiable (if uncertified) genius at chess? Do you have the ability to expatiate for hours on end on any given subject? Will you never use 5 words when 50 will do? Chess.com always has several positions open as Forum Pontificators. Contact Sqod and elubas (co-chairs of the Department).

Do you have no talents or abilities whatsoever? We can still use you! Chess.com has several thousand ongoing positions open for Regular Forum Contributors.

Are you addicted to studies and surveys? Does hearing the latest word from Johns Hopkins or Yale make you stand at attention? Do you always prefer to take somebody else's word for it (especially if it's somebody in a lab coat) rather than thinking for yourself? Consider applying to be the latest Forum Study-Spouting Monkey.

Do you hate women? Do all their curves and protuberances just about make you sick and scare you half to death? Have you had it up to here with their crying and whining and emotional outbursts? Why not apply to be a Forum Misogynist! Once you've made it to the head of our waiting list, you'll be on the forums in no time, explaining why none of them can play chess at all!

Are you convinced that playing chess makes you a genius? That only the smartest, best people play the game? And that other games (like poker) suck? Become a Forum Einstein! We're now accepting applications.

Are you always interested in the very latest opening wrinkles and innovations? Do the letters "TN" light a fire in your eyes? Are you convinced that all you have to do to become a GM is to memorize opening books, even though your rating only has 3 digits? Why not apply to become one of the many Forum ECO's!

Have you finally concocted the definitive solution to all those pressing questions that have occupied chess fans for centuries? Can you categorically name the greatest player of all time? The best minor piece? The best move (or game) ever? Several positions are always open in the Forum Cliches Department.

Do you love to derail discussions? Are you a lifelong party pooper? Is there nothing you like better when things really get hopping than to unplug the stereo and tell everybody else to scram? If so, consider becoming an Off-Topic Router! Apply to the Department of Mods.

Are you pretty sure that you know how your opponent suddenly began to play like a genius within the last several moves? Are you certain that lag can't possibly explain what's happening with his clock? Are you convinced that anyone who makes use of perpetual check when they are down material is a coward? Have you won on time, only to be told that (somehow) it was only a draw? Have you never heard of castling or en passant? And have you come to the inescapable conclusion that everybody out there--even the site itself--is cheating you right and left? Apply for a position as Forum Accuser.

Are you the life of every party? Do you have quips and bon mots suited to any occasion? Does the name Lake Titicaca still make you giggle? Do you laugh out loud (literally) every time you recall that "ejaculated" can also be used to mean "said"? Help keep this site a legendary bastion of mirth, heirs to the Algonquin Round Table. Apply today for a post as Senior Forum Humorist. With your aid, chess.com can remain as hilarious as ever!

AlCzervik
HueyWilliams wrote:

Every once in a while I peruse the unanswered forums and I came across this ↑. And also this:

https://www.chess.com/forum/view/off-topic/my-ear

I would like to apply for an as yet unavailable position as Forum Bumper.

does cc have openings for physicians? dr. czervik might be interested.

lofina_eidel_ismail

an interesting thread, post #1 needs to be expanded upon😇

president_max

More potential positions described here.

https://www.chess.com/forum/view/off-topic/forumscatergorywhine

lofina_eidel_ismail
president_max wrote:

More potential positions described here.

https://www.chess.com/forum/view/off-topic/forumscatergorywhine

yes, tkbunny was there? 😄

what amazed me the most was the notable absence of that deranged duck (DD) 😨😶

whiskersinthejamjar

have you woody's contact ? forum mope sounds like my dream job.

because_checkmate

"Have you won on time, only to be told that (somehow) it was only a draw? "


yes  but you could not pay me enough to work here. 

president_max
lofina_eidel_ismail wrote:
president_max wrote:

More potential positions described here.

https://www.chess.com/forum/view/off-topic/forumscatergorywhine

yes, tkbunny was there? 😄

what amazed me the most was the notable absence of that deranged duck (DD) 😨😶

Post #44 :-)

whiskersinthejamjar

we need a chess Jesus to turn the loaves and fishes into snakesbelly's deleted content.

oregonpatzer

I am available to serve as a moderator on any day that doesn't end in "y".

whiskersinthejamjar
that's mondays through to sundays, that won't do, too much free time.
AlCzervik
oregonpatzer wrote:

I am available to serve as a moderator on any day that doesn't end in "y".

whoa, wait a minute bud. don't be too presumptuous that cc would automatically hire you (for no pay). they have an extensive screening process that takes seconds to complete. a huge amount of two questions, and, of course, you must sign (in blood) a form where you pledge your allegiance to everything that is cc.

yes, that includes v3. 

badenwurtca

A silly question for the OP: why are there 2 threads on this subject ( and they start out the same way   lol ).

Bronco
badenwurtca wrote:

A silly question for the OP: why are there 2 threads on this subject ( and they start out the same way   lol ).

Hmmm I'm bumping this one (for flags and pdela wherever they are)

Image result for butt bump gif

 

whiskersinthejamjar

Only 2 posts in the last 3 days ?? this thread should have gone straight in at number 1, and

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaarghhhh! it's bronco!!!! lock up your kittens!

Bilbo21
whiskeyinthejamjar wrote:

we need a chess Jesus to turn the loaves and fishes into snakesbelly's deleted content.

Luckily we have Jeremy Silman https://www.chess.com/forum/view/off-topic/is-jeremy-siman-chess-jesus

ArgoNavis

I'd like to apply for a position as forum psycho with delusions of grandeur. Am I still in time or did you already find a substitute for pdela?

ghost_of_pushwood
badenwurtca wrote:

A silly question for the OP: why are there 2 threads on this subject ( and they start out the same way   lol ).

Actually, that one's easy, cab:  I didn't think my first attempt at posting had taken, so I did it again. happy.png

AlCzervik

are you a government worker? double dipping?

ghost_of_pushwood
because_checkmate wrote:

you could not pay me enough to work here. 

That's exactly what management likes to hear!