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Laughter is good for the soul.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I ., but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law…
I Love that one -- especially since I gather it's from an actual trial transcript -- makes me wish I'd been in the courtroom that day!
Doctor: Mrs. Rose, good news for you!
Patient: I'm Miss Rose, Doc.
Doctor: Miss Rose, bad news for you!
A chess master died - after a few days, a friend of his heard a voice; it was him!
"What's it like, where you are now," he asked.
"What do you want to hear first, the good news or the bad news."
"Tell me the good news first."
"Well, it's really heaven here. There are tournaments and blitz sessions going on all the time and Morphy, Alekhine, Lasker, Tal, Capablanca, Botvinnik, they're all here, and you can play them."
"Fantastic!" the friend said, "and what is the bad news?"
"You have Black against Capablanca on Saturday."
laughing too much means you're depressed
You have Black against Capablanca on Saturday -
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6."
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had eggs."
My father knew a car mechanic man here on St. Croix. Everyone called him Happy ('cuz he was so grouchy). Anywayz, they say he'd would go to one of the streetfood vendors and order, "Gimme a cheezburger with onions and a milkshake without - and hurry it up".
Lola, why do they drive on the wrong side of the road in the USVI? It was so scary when I was last there,
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”
The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”
The bull will give him a ride?
Bulls run behind!