Signs you're a bad chess player

  • #1241

    FYI I was white.

  • #1242
    N2UHC wrote:

    Signs you're a bad chess player

    You play 1. e4 and your opponent says “Mate in 6.”

    Members of your chess club start chuckling when you walk through the door.

    You discover that a tournament is not a good place or time to learn the “en passant” rule.

    Half your chess pieces desert the game.

    Your idea for a king sacrifice doesn't go very well.

    At your last tournament, you tied for last place with a monkey named “Bobo.”

    You consult a chess engine for help with your game, and it tells you that you should have resigned 5 moves ago, and would probably be best if you forget chess and take up stamp collecting.

    After your queen sacrifice, you tell yourself, “At least he won't be using that pawn any more.”

    In the middle of your game, you ask your opponent, “Wait, was I playing white, or black?”

    Your best victory was winning on time when your opponent had to go to the hospital.


    I actually got mated in 6 moves by an Excalibur Squire once as a kid.

     

    More signs:

    You run analysis programs on the lowest strength rating so you can understand what it's talking about.

    You try to move to Russia because you heard somewhere that Russians are good at chess.

    You have someone that comes with you to OTB events not as your consultation team member, but to wake you up when it's your turn.

  • #1243

    #1275 is the funniest post ever

  • #1244

  • #1245

  • #1246
  • #1247
    [COMMENT DELETED]
  • #1248

    You are a bad chess player when you think it is an honor to receive the Scholar's Mate.

    And, instead of shoving off, you say: "Thank you sir, may I have another?"

  • #1249

    When you buy your 11 yr old son the "How to beat your Dad at chess" book, only to find yourself reading it and learning loads!

  • #1250

    When you think is difficult to avoid a fools mate...

  • #1251

    You know that you are a bad chess player when...

    1. ...the name of your signature opening is known as the "White Flag Gambit".
    2. ...when your club hands you the "Most Improved" trophy.
    3. ...when you cannot quite seem to find your queen on the board after a few moves.
  • #1252

    When your opponent has to remind how your pieces can move legally...

  • #1253
    87654321 wrote:

    To assess the position you count the taken pieces at the side of the board

    >:)


     XD

  • #1254
    Javan64 wrote:
    Nongxha wrote:
    When you think that you can defeat every rated player applying fools mate strategy.

    ...or the infamous Bongcloud Attack.


    Do not mess up with the bongcloud! Tongue out

  • #1255
    wbilfc wrote:

    When you buy your 11 yr old son the "How to beat your Dad at chess" book, only to find yourself reading it and learning loads!


    Lol... I just got that book.  So far so good... now all I have to do is convince my Dad to play me at chess (Both my Mom and Dad decided to quit playing me while they still had a 100% standing against me lol).

  • #1256

    When you've just made a stinko move and your opponent sprays you in the face with lemon-scented bathroom deodorizer. Sealed

  • #1257
    Pr0c3550r wrote:
    N2UHC wrote:

    Signs you're a bad chess player

    You play 1. e4 and your opponent says “Mate in 6.”

    Members of your chess club start chuckling when you walk through the door.

    You discover that a tournament is not a good place or time to learn the “en passant” rule.

    Half your chess pieces desert the game.

    Your idea for a king sacrifice doesn't go very well.

    At your last tournament, you tied for last place with a monkey named “Bobo.”

    You consult a chess engine for help with your game, and it tells you that you should have resigned 5 moves ago, and would probably be best if you forget chess and take up stamp collecting.

    After your queen sacrifice, you tell yourself, “At least he won't be using that pawn any more.”

    In the middle of your game, you ask your opponent, “Wait, was I playing white, or black?”

    Your best victory was winning on time when your opponent had to go to the hospital.


    Seems you know what your talking about.

     

    lol

    On my opinion every Grandmaster was once a beginner, we do mistakes, then learn, then improve then master the game, I love the quotes LOL

  • #1258

    You are a bad chess player when, right after you slam down your first move, you screech: "How do you like them apples...hah?!"

  • #1259

    One time when I went to a tournament, someone played their queen from d1 to c3 against me. I told them that wasn't legak, and they said that the queen could move in L-shapes!!!

    This was in a school tournament.

  • #1260

    When you say that the king is the strongest piece.

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