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Signs you're a bad chess player
You play 1. e4 and your opponent says “Mate in 6.”
Members of your chess club start chuckling when you walk through the door.
You discover that a tournament is not a good place or time to learn the “en passant” rule.
Half your chess pieces desert the game.
Your idea for a king sacrifice doesn't go very well.
At your last tournament, you tied for last place with a monkey named “Bobo.”
You consult a chess engine for help with your game, and it tells you that you should have resigned 5 moves ago, and would probably be best if you forget chess and take up stamp collecting.
After your queen sacrifice, you tell yourself, “At least he won't be using that pawn any more.”
In the middle of your game, you ask your opponent, “Wait, was I playing white, or black?”
Your best victory was winning on time when your opponent had to go to the hospital.
I actually got mated in 6 moves by an Excalibur Squire once as a kid.
You run analysis programs on the lowest strength rating so you can understand what it's talking about.
You try to move to Russia because you heard somewhere that Russians are good at chess.
You have someone that comes with you to OTB events not as your consultation team member, but to wake you up when it's your turn.
#1275 is the funniest post ever
You are a bad chess player when you think it is an honor to receive the Scholar's Mate.
And, instead of shoving off, you say: "Thank you sir, may I have another?"
When you buy your 11 yr old son the "How to beat your Dad at chess" book, only to find yourself reading it and learning loads!
When you think is difficult to avoid a fools mate...
You know that you are a bad chess player when...
When your opponent has to remind how your pieces can move legally...
To assess the position you count the taken pieces at the side of the board
...or the infamous Bongcloud Attack.
Do not mess up with the bongcloud!
Lol... I just got that book. So far so good... now all I have to do is convince my Dad to play me at chess (Both my Mom and Dad decided to quit playing me while they still had a 100% standing against me lol).
When you've just made a stinko move and your opponent sprays you in the face with lemon-scented bathroom deodorizer.
Seems you know what your talking about.
On my opinion every Grandmaster was once a beginner, we do mistakes, then learn, then improve then master the game, I love the quotes LOL
You are a bad chess player when, right after you slam down your first move, you screech: "How do you like them apples...hah?!"
One time when I went to a tournament, someone played their queen from d1 to c3 against me. I told them that wasn't legak, and they said that the queen could move in L-shapes!!!
This was in a school tournament.
When you say that the king is the strongest piece.
You know that you are in trouble as a chess player when you always practice in front of a mirror, making gnarly faces.
Sadly, you expend more effort on facial contortions than the game.
And, you get highly indignant if someone has the brassy nerve to say "gg" when you lose (which is always). That's when you "go ape" on them.