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Signs you're a bad chess player
You play 1. e4 and your opponent says “Mate in 6.”
Members of your chess club start chuckling when you walk through the door.
You discover that a tournament is not a good place or time to learn the “en passant” rule.
Half your chess pieces desert the game.
Your idea for a king sacrifice doesn't go very well.
At your last tournament, you tied for last place with a monkey named “Bobo.”
You consult a chess engine for help with your game, and it tells you that you should have resigned 5 moves ago, and would probably be best if you forget chess and take up stamp collecting.
After your queen sacrifice, you tell yourself, “At least he won't be using that pawn any more.”
In the middle of your game, you ask your opponent, “Wait, was I playing white, or black?”
Your best victory was winning on time when your opponent had to go to the hospital.
You play French defense
You are not a bad chess player if you play French!
Your biggest satisfaction in chess comes from pointing out a pawn blunder in another player's win in the game showcase forum.
Or You're biggest satisfaction comes from winning a game where your opponent blunders a pawn early on:)
Your opponent tells his taxi driver to keep the meter running and he'll be right back.
"Your name is ajttja" (does anyone still remember me?)
I once kept trying to move my king (who was under attack by an ambitious pawn) into a file that was under attack by the opponent's rook. I didn't clue in right away that I couldn't go there. It took me so long to figure this out that my opponent asked me if I was still there. I finally moved the king in front of the pawn (to stop it from Queening).
You made 16 moves in 8 consecutive games--and lost them all!
You are playing white next round and the tournament director already puts the result of your game as 0-1 when posting up the sheets for the next round.
You say you have too many pieces, and are reminded, "no, this isn't checkers."
You invent the 'Illegal Trap': 1. Ng5Qxf7#
funniest one the guy looks at you and sais e4.e5 nxe8# i win
You are completely winning, then you let your opponent back into the game, and then you resign, thinking you are lost, not realizing that you have a drawing combination right in front of you. That happened to me in a tournament lately :(
You knock your king over with your dice.
you offer a draw whenever you reach an endgame
One of your pieces reach the 8th rank and you yell out "KING ME!"