1000 signs you're not a very good chess player

jfiquett

Out of all of the signs, I think #6 is the funniest, because I often seen people do that EXACT thing.

I play against my fraternity brothers for fun sometimes (typically blindfold or at odds), and they frequently say "wait a sec" and analyze for a few minutes after I make a move and announce "mate."

Also, if I don't announce mate, typically they'll try to continue playing. Reminds me of that scene in Searching for Bobby Fischer when little Josh loses his first game in the park. xD

I'll occasionally keep playing, and then a few moves later say "oh and by the way you've been mated for 3 turns now." Love it.

kailievaterisamazing

41. You try to checkmate and realize that you can't do that because you have been checkmated 15 moves before....

kailievaterisamazing

75. You call the knights "body-less horses" no matter how many times your little sister tells you not to... :P this happened to me the first time I played chess... FAIL!

CheckMateDbo

When you checkmate yourself.

kailievaterisamazing

77. When you move a piece and say checkmate really loud and the other player has to tell you that that's your king and not his...he ruined my moment...

AffroLad

75. You ask your mate if he fancies a game of CHEESE.

76. Cant remember what word you should say when putting your opponent in check. Is it "Bingo" or "snap" or something.

77. Chess.com pretends to be offline anytime you try to log in.

bass1035

78.You think chess.com is a chat website

79.When you think that the object of the game is to get all your pawns in a line...vertically

80.when you sacrifice your queen to save a pawn.

ViktorHNielsen

81. Playing this as white: 1: e4 e5 2: f4 exf4 3: d4

82. Stalemate your opponent in a 2 queens + king vs king, and then tell your opponent that he lost the game because of being forced to move into check.

ajttja

ajttja

this is the best puzzle you have ever made and you think that thats what you should do in a real situation like that

ThrillerFan

83 - You think the Queen's Gambit is a Queen Sacrifice

84 - You think 1.Ng1xe8 is a legal move from the starting position because such a move forms an L-Shape.

85 - You think that if you return your King to e1, and your rook back to h1, that you can then re-castle!

86 - You think that Allison Fisher, the once world champion of pool and known as the Dutchess of Doom, is Bobby's sister!

TheGreatOogieBoogie

"9. The pawn is your favorite piece because it can become anything once its promoted"

 

But as the least powerful pieces the squares they control paradoxically carry the most weight and can even be sacrificed to either cramp the opponent or open lines for your own pieces.  Anyway...

 

87- You calculate exchanges, but then you realize your opponent has just reasoned, "You're offering an exchange?  Why would I exchange when I can take a pawn for free!" (Please ignore Anand-Kasparov, Geneva Grand Prix 1996...)

88-You only calculate your opponent making moves back when making threats, and then realize, "Oh, this is awkward, his piece is a little too comfortable on my side of the board."

ThrillerFan

Hey, I'll gladly let you have pieces that are comfortable around my King.  Take the following:

modee1
ScorpionPackAttack wrote:

"9. The pawn is your favorite piece because it can become anything once its promoted"

 

But as the least powerful pieces the squares they control paradoxically carry the most weight and can even be sacrificed to either cramp the opponent or open lines for your own pieces.  Anyway...

I know #9 isn't really that good because of the points you made, it was really just a setup for #10.

ajttja

you think the king is an expentible (who cares how you spell that word) piece since the kings gambit involves saking the king (or so you think) 

modee1

90. You try to sack your king for an extra move to get checkmate.

Sortoman1

Ajttja your puzzle could have been Qh4# as simple as that.

haonhien

91. You get angry losing a game. I mean it.

Rasparovov
haonhien wrote:

91. You get angry losing a game. I mean it.

What about really dissapointed/a little angry at yourself?

Rasparovov
Sortoman1 wrote:

Ajttja your puzzle could have been Qh4# as simple as that.

We found the guy!