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I read somewhere (Maybe on chess.com)
Gary Kasparov's excuse when he lost first time : My opponent is cheating.
The cat was sick on the keyboard.
I know this is unbelievable - but my younger daughter has, at least twice, played some moves for me when I've left myself logged in. She can't do it again as I removed her fingers.
hehe yeah! cut off the fingers they just use their toes instead :)
Ah, the old child basket trick. I'll give it a go...
"You had the wind at your back - that checkmate was wind-assisted so I'm calling this a draw"
"The sun was in my eyes"
"I just started a new medication to control my homocidal tendencies and it's making me a little drowsy"
If you can use medication as an excuse, I'm home and dry!
This one comes up all the time:
My cat kept jumping on the keyboard,so the cat jumped on the keyboard and I grabbed the cat and threw it across the room ,but instead of hitting the wall, as I intended,it hits the goldfish bowl,well there glass and water and fish all over the place so I jumped up to try to save the fish but ended up cutting my foot quite badly on the glass, I limped to the bathroom to find a towel but the blood on the tiles made it slippery and I fell hitting my head against the bathroom mirror cutting my face very badly in the process, I tried to make it for the phone but was blinded by the blood in my eyes ,tripped over the cat and fell down the stairs breaking both my arms and my nose, I crawled to the phone that is next to the computer I kicked the table so the phone would fall on the floor where I could use it but the computer also happened to fall on the floor that was still wet from the gold fish thing and I electrocuted myself, while all this was going on a fire started somewhere else in the building that I had nothing to do with and my electrocuted body was burned to ashes....
Actually (this is real, not some sad attempt at humour like usual) when I was a kid attending a chess club, this young-ish fella in a wheelchair would be pushed in every so often. He could hardly move, so had a strap round his head with a little arm protruding from it with a rubber tip. He would touch the piece he wanted to move and the square he wanted it to go to, and his opponent would do the rest. If you got it wrong, he'd make a noise.
This was back in the olden days when, I assume, people feared whatever he had was catching, and not many of the pipe-puffing stuffed shirts who attended would play him. I did quite often. I always won, because he wasn't really very good (it's not that kind of story).
This club was in a big room with games played on long trestle tables. You could fit a dozen games on each. One evening we were playing by one of the supporting legs. This fella looked at me, just about pulled a smile and then kicked out with his legs - collapsing the table and sending pieces flying. I was too busy trying to hold the table off his chair to laugh much immediately, but he was in stitches. When we realised no one would dare tell him off, we laughed all the more.
In The Immortal Words of the old Great Masters :
" WHY DO I HAVE TO LOSE TO THESE Chess.com MORONS !!!"
why why why ?????
I forgot to say three "Hail Marys".
In the dark they all look the same.
I've lost a couple of OTB games for this reason :p Playing with a tiny chess set in a dark café, or playing with gold and silver pieces in what would ordinarily be mediocre lighting.
If only the phone had not rang... i had mate in 14! ... Arbiter the phone was set on vibrate mode....Valuable lesson never ever buy cloned phones!
Ask most who challenge me ... they'll say the one they get from me is
That is truly a funny story!
It's all okay no damage to the bike apparently... :)
"I'm getting old."
Next time, I won't be fooling around.
I once played this OTB game and the guy beats me …actually I lose because I blundered but anyway after the game I congratulate him but mention that I blundered and even point out the move. Well he sort of sneers at me and then makes out as if he won because of his superior chess playing skills. I hate that! But the dude is about 30 years older than me …what can you do?
Well I jabbed with the left and then threw a double right hook combo which clearly caught him off guard because he fails to protect himself and takes both hooks on the button. He stumbles back and falls over another player’s table. So it’s looking good for me because my Jiu Jiutsu is better than my boxing. Needless to say I tried to takes his back to choke him out but as I go for it an official steps in and puts me off balance giving my opponent time to recover.
Various people are screaming and shouting incoherently at this stage , I taste blood in my mouth for some reason and somewhere in the distance I hear the crowing of a cock. I notice all this in a split second before this guy , who turns out to be ex-army hits me in the nuts!!! I mean like really hard, like he knows what he’s doing….I could not be blamed for doubling over and I almost passed out but from previous experience I knew this would be a mistake. I am not called ‘snakesbelly’ for nothing because you can hardly stoop lower. So I feign passing out and as the guy comes in to finish me off I find a loose king and hit him in the eye with the little crown side first.
I don’t have to tell you the damage a king can make.
Anyway by now more officials arrive and break us apart.
There is a lot of bleeding and stuff but I really have to give it to this guy he actually apologized and admitted that I was right.
So he lost the eye and all but we still keep in contact to this day.
Just shows you how chess really builds bridges between people.
This same thing happened to me.
I have started studying the game too late, so my brain isn't wired properly. If my parents had introduced me to the game and encouraged me when I was 5, I would be a freaking chess genius by now. Instead of wasting my time interacting with mere patzers in online chess forums, I would be playing training games with Kosteniuk, with a couple of drinks at the sides of the board.
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