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opening stereotypes pt 2

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little_guinea_pig

Part 1: https://www.chess.com/forum/view/general/opening-stereotypes that has the white openings.

Black Openings:

Owen's Defense:

Um... this is probably the one opening that basically everyone thinks is pretty inferior - for others like the Alekhine you'll see people arguing that it's perfectly playable and that Black can equalize, but with the Owen it's crickets. So this obviously means that if you main this opening, you either like hurting yourself or you don't know any better. Ah, to be a beginner again...

 

Hipppppppppppo:

You just finished watching some grandmaster play bullet with it and don't realize that the reason Hikaru wins with it is because he's much better than anyone else and not because the opening is OP. Either that or you play nothing but bullet. Tsk, didn't you know that the #1 rule of the forums is "bullet ruins your chess skill, gives you cancer, will lead to a life of misery and an early death"?

 

Modern/Pirc:

The Modern Defense player (1...g6) will spend ages talking about how the Modern is NOT the same as the Pirc, and the Pirc Defense player (1...d6) will shout himself hoarse about why his opening is a different opening from the Modern! Despite this, the openings transpose into the same line about 95% of the time and even if not there's really only minor differences. So yeah. You're the same people.

 

Alekhine:

A quote from my rating stereotypes post:

"I'm lazy and I have a sense of pride in closing the position up and then shuffling for 90 moves until my opponent runs out of time. Now that's the way to win! Far better than pulling off a brilliant sacrificial combination! Now time to make the excuse that I enjoy defending worse positions to explain how I lost to 6.Ra3 in my recent alekhine game..."

yup that's an alekhine player if I've ever seen one. Man, now imagine if there was such a thing as a 2200-2400 alekhine player... wow that would be horrifying. good thing there isn't anyone like that!

 

Nimzovich Defense:

I'm rather suspicious of the implication that Aron Nimzovich actually played this. Anyways, the funny thing about you is that 90% of you, when faced with the most common response 2.nf3, will play... e5! Yes, transposing into a normal e4 e5 game! Why couldn't you have just done that in the first place? Obviously because you're different! You gotta show the world that you're not just a normal e5 player!!! omg!! such individualism!

 

Scandinavian Defense:

Looks like lonely single you is jealous of the king and queen being married. How else would you explain why you make the queen do wind sprints right in the opening, moving it over and over again, developing no other pieces, and only finally begrudgingly pushing e6 and c6? Also if you played this as a beginner, there is about a 99.99% chance that you had a game that went 1.e4 d5 2.exd5 Qxd5 3.Nc3 Qc6?? 4. Bb5 1-0.

 

French Defense:

 

 

Caro-Kann:

An opening that's derided by lots of people as being too "passive" when in fact it's an extremely solid and strong option for Black to play. But did you pick it up because you saw past the unwashed masses and glimpsed the true worth of this opening? Of course not! You played it because you wanted a passive opening that doesn't fight for the advantage at all! Because of course something like that is fun to play!

 

Sicilian:

There's tons of Sicilians out there so I'll briefly sum up some of the different types:

Tamianov: You play this for no other reason than to try and punish White players who try to blindly go be3, f3, qd2, 0-0-0, h4-h5. Which is actually a good reason. But if White doesn't fall for it do you enjoy the positions that follow? Probably not.

Sveshnikov: "Meh, doubled pawns, massive structural weaknesses, great squares for the opponent's knight, but I don't care because ACTIVITYYYYYYY! TWO BISHOOOOOOOOPSSSSSSSSS!". I'd play this if I could always get it ngl.

Najdorf: If you spent nearly as much time working on getting good grades or getting a job as you did on your openings, you'd be very successful in life. Sadly you didn't.

Dragon: Come for the cool name, stay for the never ending sacrifices on c3. Doesn't matter if it's good or not, every game has the move Rxc3 in it.

Scheveningen: You used to be a Najdorf played but lost too many games because a knight hopped onto d5 at the worst possible time so you said "no no no no no enough of this!" and picked this up.

But what all Sicilian players have in common, is that they have a library of big thick books in their bedroom entitled "Introduction to Sicilian Theory, Vol.1, Book 1", "Introduction to Sicilian Theory, Vol.2, Book 2", etc. etc.

 

Petroff:

Eric Rosen sub alert! Eric Rosen sub alert! 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨

Ok but there's more to the Petroff than just the Stafford. Namely, that it's the method of choice for people who want to make a quick draw but don't want to be called out for playing the Berlin. Yes, I'm on to you people who play openings that are suspiciously similar to certain infamous drawish lines...

 

Two Knights Defense:

Admit it, you're 100% hoping that White plays 4.Ng5 and if he instead plays 4.d3 you'll utter a silent curse at him. These are subdivided into two types by how they deal with Ng5: the Na5 poliero players are sticklers for playing the objectively best moves even if it leads to a difficult position, and prefer to slowly try to put the clamps on their opponent. The Traxler, Fritz, and Ulvestead players, on the other hand, will happily accept a +2 or +3 position if it makes the opponent uncomfortable, and have a tendency to play extremely speculative sacrifices that no other chess player would even think about considering. (Yes, they're unsound most of the time. And, yes I play the Traxler.)

 

Giuoco Piano:

If you can spell "Giuoco" properly without having to think about it and you're not Italian, you play this opening. You're probably smarter than the guy who named this opening, though that's not saying much. Seriously, you're telling me that an opening that has many spectacular gambits and attacking games in it is named the "Quiet Game"??? Can't we give the London that name or something?

 

 

Berlin Defense:

I found your irl picture

I can understand playing this in tournaments where getting a draw actually matters but if you play this in the random blitz pool then what are you doing??? Don't you know that chess is a game?? It's meant to be fun and challenging!

 

 

D4 Openings for Black:

QGD:

The Queen's Gambit player playing as Black! Since so many grandmaster games have this line, and since like it's always recommended for beginners, if you play this you probably don't even know that other openings exist. Well actually you might know two: The Slav Defense (hahaha imagine guarding with the c-pawn instead of the e-pawn, noob!) and the QGA, but like actually? Playing the QGA? Isn't that a forced loss if you try to hang on to the pawn? Ew get some professional help.

 

 

QGA:

QGD player talking to new player who's picking up 1...d5:

QGD player: Ok so when White plays 2.c4, you must play e6. It's the only move in the position! Everybody plays it, it's by far the best!

new d5 player: Wait what about dxc4 though?

QGD player: Oh you mean the QGA? That opening sucks, stay the heck away from that opening!

new d5 player:

QGD player:

new d5 player:

QGD player: wait... you aren't thinking of playing the QGA are you?

QGA player: >:-)

(Seriously though don't try to hang onto the pawn.)

 

 

KID:

You know what's really funny? Despite literally being a reversed KIA, KID games are extremely exciting and feature both players absolutely going at each others' throats with pawns rushing down the queenside and kingside. I don't have an explanation for this. All I can say is congrats for looking at master games and deciding that you want to emulate the cool KID games rather than those dry normal grandmaster draw games. Even if hell will freeze over before you're able to actually do it.

 

Dutch:

This opening, in particular the Stonewall Defense variation, is similar to the KID in that if you play the Stonewall as White you are a disgusting system player who is even worse creating significant weaknesses in your own camp and literally giving the advantage to your opponent from move 1, but as Black it's really strong and a legitimate weapon for aggressive players. Though I do know the reason for this one: as Black, White's already played d4 so f5 makes a lot of sense to take away e4, while with the Stonewall Attack Black could play d6 followed by e5 or c5 to whack away at the center immediately.

Whatever you do don't play f4 d4 e3 c3 as White or everyone will immediately lose all respect for you.

 

Benoni:

There's four types of Benonis: the Modern, the Czech, the Benko Gambit, and the Snake. If you play any one of these you're probably playing for a win and not a draw, but there's differences: if you play the Modern you want fireworks and to outtacticalize (yes that is now a word) the opponent and make his superior position mean nothing! Of course when you lose you lose horribly but still. If you play the Czech you enjoy locking up all the pawns and making your opponent die of boredom, but the difference between that and the London is that you get a win and not a draw. If you play the Benko you despise closed positions and are probably absolute trash at escape rooms, and if you play the Snake Benoni you're just a legend in all forms. I mean seriously playing Bf8-e7-c8-a5 is just the most chad move ever.

 

Budapest Gambit:

"lol funny smothered mate trap! Ra6 rook lift! cool! I should play this!" What is with all these psychological warfare openings? Shouldn't you be in the Vietnam jungles walking on the Ho Chi Minh Trail or something? Anyways once again you relish the look on the opponent's face when they see this move and their wonder that this move is actually playable. But then when the opponent doesn't try to keep the extra pawn and instead gives it back for an initiative, you make the surprised pikachu face and lose very rapidly afterwards.

 

Englund Gambit:

I'm gonna tell you a hard truth: The Englund Gambit trap line is according to the engine worse than the Bongcloud. (+3 against -2)

Let me repeat that again.

THE ENGLUND GAMBIT IS OBJECTIVELY WORSE THAN AN OPENING THAT'S LITERALLY PLAYED AS A MEME BECAUSE IT'S SO BAD.

In short, if you main this, you have a mental illness. Stop watching Eric Rosen, he may legitimately be the worst chess content creator in the entire world. He's not even remotely entertaining either...

 

Bogo-Indian, Nimzo-Indian, Queen's Indian:

You're so unnoticable that I didn't even realize you existed until I was done and read through this one more time to make sure I didn't miss any common openings. Be an actual human being please?

 

Grunfeld:

Below 1500 you just don't exist as everyone low rated who would want to play this type of line either goes full KID setup or straight QGD setup. The lack of arrogant 800s defending your opening all over the place thus makes you perhaps the least hated type of player, but that really isn't saying much if you've been paying any attention at all to my other opening stereotypes.

Well actually every Grunfeld player I know is also addicted to Genshin Impact. Coincidence? Hm...

Ok I'm tired so I think this is it. This took way too long I should be working on my programming. I hope it was worth it...

colorfulcake

tamianov

Fire

well ok

This_Cruel_Moon

grunfeld supremacy

also the nimzo one isn't that accurate :/

chaotikitat

You didn’t poke any fun at my scandi hehehe

InsertInterestingNameHere

I play the alekhine because the advance caro with 3...c5 is appealing with picking off weak pawns but I don’t feel like playing the exchange or classical 

 

I play the kid because I am a knight junkie and I’m high 99% of the time, and people have told me that they physically recoil when I play Nd1 even though it’s not the line that you play it in, I do it anyways

KevinSmithIdiot

Ah...made my day. Thank you.

2021blitzgrind

"Tamianov: You play this for no other reason than to try and punish White players who try to blindly go be3, f3, qd2, 0-0-0, h4-h5." 

also me:

to be fair most of us 1600+ go for g4-h4 instead of h4-h5 immediately

and then there's chz who goes g4 before O-O-O (panov) in the dragon

smh 

alphaous

It was definitely worth it, if only to make fun of B1Z.

InsertInterestingNameHere
2021blitzgrind wrote:

"Tamianov: You play this for no other reason than to try and punish White players who try to blindly go be3, f3, qd2, 0-0-0, h4-h5." 

also me:

to be fair most of us 1600+ go for g4-h4 instead of h4-h5 immediately

and then there's chz who goes g4 before O-O-O (panov) in the dragon

smh 

Idk what 1600+ you’re playing lol

Batman2508
2021blitzgrind wrote:

"Tamianov: You play this for no other reason than to try and punish White players who try to blindly go be3, f3, qd2, 0-0-0, h4-h5." 

also me:

to be fair most of us 1600+ go for g4-h4 instead of h4-h5 immediately

and then there's chz who goes g4 before O-O-O (panov) in the dragon

smh 

sir, guinea is not 1600 lmao

Batman2508

he he accurate except I watch yt vids and make my sicclian repitoire.

InsertInterestingNameHere

the englund callout tho let’s go

alphaous
InsertInterestingNameHere wrote:

the englund callout tho let’s go

Yeah, it's time the Englund got its just desserts.

chaotikitat

My win rate is better with englund gambit than with d5… 

alphaous
chaotikitat wrote:

My win rate is better with englund gambit than with d5… 

Your opponents are trash. But seriously, with a small sample size gambits tend to have a higher win rate.

MATTHEWch6v14

QGA is underrated.

chaotikitat
alphaous wrote:
chaotikitat wrote:

My win rate is better with englund gambit than with d5… 

Your opponents are trash. But seriously, with a small sample size gambits tend to have a higher win rate.

60 games and it wasn’t recently ig 

~350 with d5

alphaous
chaotikitat wrote:
alphaous wrote:
chaotikitat wrote:

My win rate is better with englund gambit than with d5… 

Your opponents are trash. But seriously, with a small sample size gambits tend to have a higher win rate.

60 games and it wasn’t recently ig 

~350 with d5

Yep, I was right.

AwakenedVortex

I obviously picked up the caro because of how amazing it is and definitely not because gotham chess said to play it when I was 1000, definitely...