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rating stereotypes!

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little_guinea_pig

For the people who get easily triggered, this is a joke and does not reflect what people at specific rating ranges are actually like. They're just stereotypes. Now, let's begin....

Under 600: They are either a raw beginner, in which case good luck on your chess journey, or are one of those 8 year old kids who uses this as a social media site and spams forums like "how many times can we say hi?" all over the general forums. They either don't care at all about chess, or their 8 year old brain is too undeveloped to grasp how the knight moves. They probably just finished ragequitting among us because they didn't get impostor or something like that before going online.

600-800: Same as above, only 12 years old. Wow, such an improvement! They probably only got this rating because they grinded for some time in order to flex their super high rating to all their other 8-12 year old friends. At this point, the 600-800 player has probably discovered games like Roblox and Fortnite, and has developed advanced winning strategies in chess that all involve bringing out the queen and never moving another piece. They're not afraid to spout out their superior knowledge on the general forums and show those 2000s who REALLY knows how to play chess! (Or you know, they could just be a beginner trying to improve.)

800-1000: Now we're getting somewhere! This is the point at which our aspiring Fortnite twitch streamer realizes his rating is higher than the average on this site, and he feels the sudden and overpowering urge to brag about it in the general forums. with titles such as "OMG A BRILLIANT MOVE <3 UWU SEND FRIEND REQUEST". At this point, the 800-1000 chess player will discover openings like the Sicilian Defense and think "Hmm, the best players in the world play this, I should as well! Oh no, my opponent played 2.Bc4! What do I do now?"

1000-1200: It is in this rating range that all the immature kids get weeded out, as it slowly dawns on them that chess is actually a game that requires skill, and that being rated 1000 does not make you 1/3rd as good as Stockfish. Queen's Gambit viewers are generally found here as they've had a few months to learn the ropes of chess and a good deal of them have quit the game when they realized that they can't beat grandmasters in 7 episodes! Lower 1000s are extremely arrogant at first because of their new four digit rating, which of course makes them vastly superior to all the scum three digit rating players out there. However near the top of this rating range, they experience an epiphany which usually involves playing strong players and getting annihilated even though they didn't blunder anything and they realize there is so, so much more to learn and that chess way more than just taking free pieces and tactics.

1200-1400: These guys are wonderful. They've just realized how far they still have to go, so they're studying and studying. They're always modest and look to stronger players for help and advice rather than bullheadedly ignoring their suggestions like the 800 player does. These players fall in love with openings and spend hours on hours researching the main line of the Ruy Lopez, only to find their theory is mostly useless because no one plays into it. They also worship GothamChess and Hikaru.

1400-1600: Tactical sweat time! *heavy breathing* "Ok, I can play Nxd6. Then take, take, take, take the juicer (see previous section) *heavy breathing* "and is that a staircase? Yeah that's a staircase. So let's play it and - WHAT? THAT WAS INCORRECT? STUPID PUZZLE! ARGHHHHHH) These players chuckle with fondness about the time they were a mere ignorant 1000, and smile when they realize they're already 1/3rd of the way to GM. They will also give advice on the forums often, though when they don't know what to say they resort to meming and comments like "sussy position".

1600-1800: "Ok, so after four months of heavy breathing and sweating I've pretty much mastered tactics, but I can't ever seem to get those tactics! I try pushing my pawns to attack my opponent's king but next thing I know I'm stuck defending tons of pawns and I can't ever get my pieces in the right position! If only there was a strategy on what to do in more quiet positions.... something less tactical and more, let's see, what's a good word for it, positional... maybe how to get my pieces to good squares where they can't be chased off by enemy pawns? An outpost of sorts? Maybe perhaps take advantage of the pawns that are hard to defend, weak pawns of a kind? My pawns always seem to be easily taken, maybe work on the structure of my pawns? Hmmmm... no, I'm fine. Back to grinding tactics!"

1800-2000: At 1800 the player finally realizes what positional chess is about, and knows in his heart that that was the last piece that he needed to get to GM status! Filled with a smug sense of superiority, he feels obliged to gift the poor suffering 1000s with a piece of his vast knowledge. When he plays 2500s, he no longer is hopelessly lost and has no idea where he went wrong: he boots up the analysis and it tells him that at move 15, he was almost equal, but he blundered a pin. And he knows that with a bit of luck, he could have beaten the 2500! He can beat GMs if he tries hard enough! The goal of 2000 and chess mastery is almost within his grasp, and soon he will be absolutely wonderful, amazing, overpowered, unbeatable at ches-

2000: "YASSSSSSSSSSSSS-" *realization slowly sinks in* "oh god I'm trash at chess"

2000-2200: Similar to when he was 1200, at 2000 the chess player looks up and sees that GMs and even masters are way above him or her. Some go off meming and posting on off-topic forums and forget about improving, others keep chipping away, getting books and grinding pawn structures and endgames and basically making chess an obsession. Little known fact: most 2000s are actually a 2400 gigachad and a 1600 mushroom sharing the same account. *gigachad logs on* "Argh, I see that the mushroom has lost 150 points while I was gone! Oh well, time to grind it back again..."

Oh yeah also they may or may not spend hours and hours grinding dozens of moves in an obscure line only to pretty much never see it except for when they go against a cheater who just runs right through all 22 moves of their Traxler Counterattack theory with inhuman move after inhuman move.

2200-2400: "So I think the problem with chess when I play it is that there's all these opening sweats who know basically infinite theory. So, what I'm going to do is be clever and play openings like 1.b4 and the Alekhine in order to outsmart my opponent. Never mind that those are both terrible openings and aren't that difficult to get a safe advantage against. Never mind that I'd be 2500 with my insane positional skills if I actually played normal openings and grinded tactics, because I'm lazy and I have a sense of pride in closing the position up and then shuffling for 90 moves until my opponent runs out of time. Now that's the way to win! Far better than pulling off a brilliant sacrificial combination! Now time to make the excuse that I enjoy defending worse positions to explain how I lost to 6.Ra3 in my recent alekhine game..." Or maybe I'm just thinking of one specific 2200-2400. I don't know.

2400-2600: Ok they're really freaking good. Too good for the forums in fact, because unless they're old and cranky and named "pfren" they're much too busy actually improving their chess to go on there. At lower rating levels people are usually happy to help new players improve, but 2500s are just too busy to be of much value to the new player, and they'll be driven nuts by the fact that the new player can't see through a complex position in seconds. Also, if they ever lose to a new player their name will be plastered all over one of those bragging forums that the 800-1000 makes.

2600+: Gods among men. When you see the "GM" tag either in a game or in the forums, it's like an angel has appeared in front of you. Unless of course you're playing in a tournament against him and it's the last round and you're tied for first. Then you're toast.

 

(Once again for the people who get easily triggered this is a joke post and does not represent my views on players of any rating range.)

MaskedNuisance

best post I've seen in months

little_guinea_pig
MaskedNuisance wrote:

best post I've seen in months

I hope people understand the sarcasm and jokes and I don't get overwhelmed with 800s screaming "I DON'T PLAY ROBLOX I PLAY CALL OF DUTY!!!1!!!!11!1!!!"

taywave

Lol

B1ZMARK

dude was 2200-2400 a direct attack on me

little_guinea_pig
B1ZMARK wrote:

dude was 2200-2400 a direct attack on me

wdym it's just a stereotype joke post

B1ZMARK

"... play 1.b4" (check)

"... play alekhine" (check)

"...lost to 6.ra3" (check, even though it was actually 7.ra3)

"... defending worse positions" (check)

"... i'd be 2500 if i played normal openings and grinded well" (check, because thanks my ego needed that)

B1ZMARK
little_guinea_pig wrote:
B1ZMARK wrote:

dude was 2200-2400 a direct attack on me

wdym it's just a stereotype joke post

yes i know 

but i am the poster boy

i dont know how to feel about this

B1ZMARK

ALSO b4 AND ALEKHINE ARENT THAT BAD OK EQUAL != ADVANTAGE FOR OPPONENT

little_guinea_pig

I know I just wanted to meme

ricorat

Lmao this is great

B1ZMARK

also @pfren singled out lmao

ThatGuyNamedJeff

It's sad how the 1400-1600 is kind of accurate lmao. Especially the puzzle bit (maybe with a bit less of the heavy breathing... sometimes). Overall, sussy post

B1ZMARK

the whole of r/anarchychess is just 1400s

DasBurner

Guinea do I qualify as the 1600-1800 or the 1800-2000?

little_guinea_pig
DasBurner wrote:

Guinea do I qualify as the 1600-1800 or the 1800-2000?

1800-2000

DasBurner
little_guinea_pig wrote:
DasBurner wrote:

Guinea do I qualify as the 1600-1800 or the 1800-2000?

1800-2000

hehe nice

B1ZMARK
DasBurner wrote:
little_guinea_pig wrote:
DasBurner wrote:

Guinea do I qualify as the 1600-1800 or the 1800-2000?

1800-2000

hehe nice

you act like the 1800-2000 but you're actually in the 1600-1800 range because you dont play

jaro488

Std: 2000-2200s look up to gms a lot

Also std the 2000-2200: gms are amazing

DasBurner
B1ZMARK wrote:
DasBurner wrote:
little_guinea_pig wrote:
DasBurner wrote:

Guinea do I qualify as the 1600-1800 or the 1800-2000?

1800-2000

hehe nice

you act like the 1800-2000 but you're actually in the 1600-1800 range because you dont play

hey you weren't supposed to say that