Please don't tell me no one knows any funny jokes. :(
Jokes
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Haha. Really good. But I don't have any... sorry <:)
This isn't mine but I'll post it anyway.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Broken pencil."
"Broken pencil who?"
"Doesn't matter; there's no point."
Nice joke! :D
Guess no one else knows any jokes...? ;)
Joke from two Christian rappers:
Martymar: What did the muffin say tothe other muffin?
Juanlove: Give me more spaghetti.
Martymar: No he said "A talking muffin! Ah!"
:D
Israel: Let's negotiate.
Hamas: You can negotiate with our rockets!
A man is selling Apple shirts online. His name is Sam Sung.
A blind man walks into a bar with his seeing-eye dog.
He picks the dog up by the tail and starts swinging it in a circle over his head.
The bartender says, "What the hell are you doing?"
The blind man says, "Oh, just takin' a look around."
:D
A blonde is riding in her car when a blonde police woman pulls her over.
"Yes officer?"
"I would like to see your drivers licence."
The blonde driver looks in her hanbag for a second and then turns to the officer.
"How does it look?"
"It is a small card with your picture."
The blonde driver again looks in her handbag....and takes out a mirror which is thin and card-like!
"Here it is officer!"
The officer takes the card and looks at it.
"We didn't you tell me your are a police officer? You may go!"
A police officer is watching two people play chess. Player 2 makes a move and the officer arrests him. "Why are you arresting him?" Player 1 asks. The officer replies "Illegal move."
Good one mapayt! :D
Two husbands were discussing their married lives. Although happily married, they admitted that there were arguments sometimes.
The Chad said, “I’ve made one great discovery. I know how to always have the last word.”
“Wow!’ said Sherman, “how did you manage that?”
“It’s easy,” replied Chad. “My last word is always ‘Yes, Dear.’
Anyone want to hear jokes?
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa. " Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep. And you thought blondes were dumb.
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. "Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."
Somebody knocks on door: Who is there? Police? What do you want? We want to talk. How many of you are there? Two. So talk with each other.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” "I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson. "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson ponders for a minute. "Well, Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe." But what does it tell you, Holmes?" Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"
A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?" The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replies in a letter: "Dear wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money." A week or so later, he receives another letter from his wife. "Dear husband, you wouldn't believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house and dug up the back garden." The prisoner writes back: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."
An elderly couple are in church. The wife leans over and whispers to her husband, "I just let out a long, silent fart. What should I do?" The husband replies, "First off, replace the batteries in your hearing aid!"
Hope you had a good laugh & feel free to post any good jokes you know! :)