Ahoy there ladies and gentlemen. On behalf of the bridesmaids, I would like to thank Bill for his kind words. For once in my life, I find myself agreeing with him - they look stunning, and only rightly outshone by our bride, Babs. And, I'm sure you'll agree with me gentlemen, today is a sad day for single men, as another beauty leaves the available list. And ladies, I'm sure you'll agree that today's passing by without much of a ripple upon this ship.
Well I have to admit being a best man to a Mermaid and a pirate makes for more a challenge but I am sure by the end of the day we will all be flipped away rather than carried away
I have known Bill for about 2 years but have been unable to decide if he is just some mad crazy geezer with a guitar or a dirty flirty pirate but I do know one thing, under it all he is a decent hard working guy, doing his gigs and quite remarkable for his age. Well, what can I tell you about the groom?
Sorry wrong wedding.
In all seriousness though Bill, you've been a brilliant friend to me in our short time of knowing. It's been an honour to be your best man today, and with all my heart I hope you two have a long and happy marriage. You're a lucky man. Babs is a beautiful girl with a heart of gold, and she deserves a good husband... Thank God you married her before she found one.
Now I'm not married myself, but I'm sure the right girl for me is just round the corner... Unless the police have moved her on since last night!
But even so, just before I make the Toast, I do have a few words of wisdom for the happy couple:-Babs - Treat Bill like a dog! 3 meals a day, plenty of affection... and make sure you send him into the garden for a wee before bedtime! (NB. This was mentioned due to the fact he wet himself on his stag night! ) Bill: - Never get complacent. Look out for those tell-tale signs that there may be something wrong in your relationship... You know, like the milkman wearing your socks! Also remember those 3 little words that are the key to a long and happy marriage... 'You're right love
Now, as a man that will drink to absolutely anything, it gives me immense pleasure to invite you all to be upstanding, raise you glasses and join me in a toast to Babs and Bill, because I think they were made for each other.
May your love be modern enough to survive the times, but old fashioned enough to last forever.I'm sure you're going to be happy together, and I speak for everybody here when I say I wish you both the very best for your future life together. Ladies and Gentlemen, the new Mr and Mrs Bill!