Chuck Norris doesn't move at the speed of light. Light moves at the speed of Chuck Norris. They say that "You can't cheat Death", but Chuck Norris can beat it fairly. Chuck Norris can write a dictionary by slamming his head on a keyboard. Chuck Norris doesn't have bad days. Bad days have Chuck Norris.Santa writes to Chuck Norris about what he wants for Christmas. When Chuck Norris put his hand over a magnet, the magnet comes to him out of pure fear. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life. Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone. Some magicians can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together. When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.Chuck Norris can drown a fish.Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade you've ever tasted.The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.Hercules strangled two snakes in his crib when he was a baby. Chuck Norris strangled a grizzly bear moments after birth with his own umbilical cord.Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon.