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AlexWithMalice

AlexWithMalice

Alex

United States
Joined
Oct 4, 2014
Last Login
2 hrs ago
Views
5,921
Followers
43
Points
144

Alex is a well seasoned chess player at the club level. He stands out from his peers since he looks like the result of a dinosaur mating with an asteroid. His favorite shirt is a shirt that says "I pooped today!". In his free time, he likes to stare out the window, make random noises, and vigorously stroke his cats.

 

Alex has more instances where he has had to flush the toilet twice as opposed to a single time. Most times when this happens, it's due to him giving an "honorary flush", since the turd is usually so massive that there is no way that toilet could fit both the turd and the thirty squares of toilet paper that would proceed it. There are instances where his fecal matter has taken the appearance of waffle fries from Chick-fil-A, french toast sticks from Eggo, and Thanos' glove from Avengers: Infinity War. Often times Alex wonders whether or not he would be able to control space, time, reality, etc if he took this particular crap and distributed it appropriately across his right hand. After all, he has to wield Thanos' glove with his right hand since his right arm is noticeably larger than his left.

 

Alex's key philosophy for life is that life is basically a dump. Sometimes it's refreshing and nice; other times it tears your insides and you bleed for several hours. No matter what, even though you may compare your dumps to other peoples' significantly superior-looking dumps, your dump is what you made, and your dump is comprised of yourself. You are your own dump. No other person can make your dump for you, unless they decide to eat your dump and poop it out themselves. Don't let other people trample over your crap and don't hurl your crap on the street. Treat it with care. Foster your crap. Provide your crap with a place to grow intellectually and spiritually. Let your crap explore and develop safe, new boundaries such as the kitchen floor or the walls. 

 

All in all, be your crappy self and have a crappy day. 

 

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