"Quotes don't always have to be polished, or profound, or witty, or possess any kind of merit whatsoever."

I don’t exist — all proof to the contrary is fake news.
Rematches are closed indefinitely.
I’m not your personal challenge bot.
Just here to play chess, not to be endlessly chased for a victory.

If a first you don’t succeed, report your opponent for cheating, it won’t do anything, but it might make you feel better.

I bought a chess board, so I have a chess board on my desk.
It will never see an actual game, but I’m sure the 0 people who see it will be very impressed.

The word you are looking for is not on the tip of your tongue.
Eat.
Sleep.
Blunder Piece.
Repeat.

“The first step towards defeat is the first step.”

“When in doubt push a pawn, if there are no more pawns left push your king.”

"If chess is a creative pursuit then most games should have been aborted at birth."

“I once challenged someone to a game of chess to prove that soup is a type of cereal. We drew, the debate rumbles on.”

“My chess rating is just a number, it makes no promises of competency.”

“I’m not sure whether my style of chess is compulsive behaviour, a cry for help or both.”

“Its the height of ego of the average patzer to win a few games and suddenly worry they'll be mistaken for stockfish.”

"If my sense of humour matched my chess skill I would be as funny as I am right now."

thereturnofthesnowfox