Owen Hurt My Feelings

Hello. This is your admin Conrade Conehair coming to talk to you about how our fellow club member Odogie has recently hurt my feelings.

In this post, I will describe in grim detail my grievances against Odogie. I will leave everything on the table.

When Odogie and I were playing a game of chess, he called me a stinky poo-poo head because I made a bad move. This move was, in fact, a fantastic move. It brought the position from -60 to -30 (I was playing black), and I think getting thirty points worth of material in a single move is most certainly commendable. Odogie disagrees.

He made the case that I suck at chess because I "got checkmated," and I countered back by saying that sometimes the biggest losers are actually the biggest winners. He, for some reason, became incredibly confused (evidently, his mom doesn't tell him that when she tucks him into bed), and proceeded to call me a stinky poo-poo head and a nerd. This violates Clause 1 of the No Hurt Feelings act passed in February 2021 by yours truly. The clause states: "if you don't have anything nice to say, then say nothing at all." This law is informed by traditional maternal wisdom that I receive every night prior to falling asleep. Odogie, through his wanton irresponsible behavior, has violated this clause and should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

I believe that the punishment should go as follows: Odogie is to receive 5 minutes time out and is to have his phone taken away for a day for being a naughty boy. I, as a well-respected and long-established admin, would be happy to carry out this punishment.

In conclusion, Odogie's behavior is antithetical to the common interests of our noble club and has a complete irreverence of the legislation effected by our trustworthy admins. He, through vapid insults devoid of any intellectual worth, has menaced our club members. We are not to stand for this behavior. If there ever was a moral imperative, it was to prosecute Odogie for his crimes against the club.