Top Ten Signs of Danger in Chess

10. There seems to have been a change in the pawn structure; your opponent has 8 pawns and you have none.

9. Your opponent starts throwing pawns at your eyes.

8. The director and scorekeeper of the tournament are asleep.

7. You just noticed that your opponent's initials are GM. (Grand Master)

6. Your opponent announces mate in 11 when you make your opening move.

5. You just finish playing the opening and notice that your opponent's playing the endgame.

4. You control no squares.

3. You have the position won, but your opponent has a club.

2. Your offer for a draw sends spectators into uncontrollable laughter.

1. Your opponent has 3 bishops.