How to pwn at everything.

How to pwn at everything.

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                                               How 2 Pwn @ Evrything

                                                                                     by Thilo "HAM" K.

          Pwning is an art passed down through the generations of wisdom; follow these random assortment of rules to pwn everything.

2. Be as lazy as possible.

This comes naturally if you are American; some people might find it hard. Just look at my title. I abbr. twice. Then I mispelled everything. That is laziness. It just takes time to lower your work effort w/o lowering your standards of living. Then why on earth would I make this article? That will be discusted later. On with the tut.

1.5.Confuse people

Not only is confusing people humorous, it is conforting knowing that you just slightly guided their minds to the wrong path, essentually wasting their time and if your cards are right, giving yourself more time. The other day I confused the hell out of English teacher, giving my 8 friggin page paper enough time to print, effectivly saving me 3 hours after school playing with the school's computers (that I'm not even allowed on).

4-2. Create your own word.

This really has little to do w/ pwning @ everything but it is still important for moral and rather social reasons. I have several of my own words, that I create, define, and snail mail to myself to keep for a sunny day. That way when the word gets popular, I have the right to (i)copyright it. (ii)brag about how I made it up.  (iii)insult people using the word before hand so that they get confused (relating the to the 3rd and a half article) and then use it enough so that it becomes popular.Why is it important for moral reasons? It cheers yourself up knowing that you positively contributed to a language that millions of Americans are defiling everyday.

4.Never Be Sarcastic

Sarcasm is the worst thing that as ever happened to the planet. It is sooo dumb. It allows you to lie without being caught. And if they catch you, you can blame it on sarcasm. "Docter, You said that the pills will make me lose wieght! They just make me get turned on quickly!" "Sarcasm, retard." If you use sarcasm, you will grow hair on your hands and go blind. Source:


This might be taken the wrong way. Let me clerify. Steal from everyone who has stolen from you. That narrows it down to

your neigbors





US Government

small dogs



People on Welfare



Oprah Winfrey


Jonas Brothers

your neighors

Ok. I'm going to explain some of these. Apple. They steal right out of your pocket. It cost 0.005 of a CENT to manufacture songs once lisenesenced. That is even worse then the RIAA. Then they steal RAM. I have literlaly seen iTunes take a scoop out of my processing power and put it in it's pocket. Wanna get even? Install Ubuntu on a Mac and p2p your ass off. WTF. I don't care. I never use iTunes anyway. Microsoft. This is a huge company ran by the smartest yet tooliest man ever. They don't even disguise their RAM stealing. Macs have an extra gig that Apple hides so you think that Mac's OS is effiecent. It isn't. Microsoft just walks into your frontside bus and demands the CPU cycles. Wanna steal back? Install Ubuntu. Then block every IP directed towards your site that is using IE. Bam. Microsoft is done. Maybe not. I don't care.

The rest of these facists raid your wallet in search of every scrap of matter that can be redeemed for monetary value, or could later be redeemed for monetary value, or sold on eBay for monetary value. RIAA? Just want your money. Jonas Brothers? In in for the bling. Wal-Mart? Raping your wallet.

4.23 Anarchy

Anarchy has always settled peace within civilizations. Follow Anarchist Cookbook for more info.

5. Call people Anoyying

This awsome technique I invented myself after beating Jackie Chan in karate. The point is 3 fold, all the folds to fold up into a peice, giving you paper and:

5.3333333333333333333 Bettering Social Status

It's in insult. Enough said.

5.6666666666666666666 Incredibly condecending

Saying someone is anoyying is condecending, making yourself look bigger than the other person.

5.999999999999999999 This is an awesome time to tell you my next point:

6.01 Never finish anything.

It shows your laziness and henceforth your patriotism. This is effective in games such as chess, to papers on Much Ado About Nothing, which made no sense whatsoever. It also is a little condecending somehow. They read your paper. It finshes in midsentence. The feel dumb.

7. Multitask a task full of Nothing

Pee and Work at the same time. A little research into every funny show on TV displays the character multitasking nothing to do something. I don't know. Skip this one.

8. Make notes as text files on your desktop.

This ensures safety from people deleting your awesome article on how to pwn @ everything. Unless you are a pedophile. That could just be dumb. On with:

10. Push the limits

Of everything. This include ticking of people in authourity, such as admins, or police officers who interrogate you on why you have toilt paper on you at 2 in the morning. This show a sign of slight dominence. Well not really. Oh well do it anyway.

11. Never mistreat women.

How do you expect to get laid?

12.  Make smirk comments

This is covering everything, from anarchy to confusing people. It also allows you to blame things on sarcasm. Don't do that.

13. Be Repetitive

Be Repetetive



And there you have it. This article may be edited to create more pwnage. Who knows.

                                                                                             Thilo "HAM" K