Being loved by the youth is overrated. Being feared, now that's priceless
Another day, another random body pain
You know, studies show that keeping a ladder in the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun. That's why I own ten guns, in case some maniac tries to sneak in with a ladder
Who wants to put on some blindfolds and get into my car?
Movies are great! You watch the movie, you scare the girl, the girl snuggles up next to you, next thing you know you gotta raise a kid. Your life falls apart. Forget that last part
When there's no cops around, anything's legal
Lucky for you I'm an expert on women. Listen to me, kid. When it comes to girls always be confident. And be funny, but not too funny. And be kinda annoying but in a lovable way
This is the greatest thing I've ever seen! And I've once seen a dead rat floatin' in a bucket
It's like if coffee and nightmares had a baby
Ah, nobody likes gettin' older. But just because you're growing doesn't mean you have to grow up, you know? I mean, look at me. I'm pushin' seventy and I still eat ice cream for dinner.
just bonk him over the head! It's nature's snooze button!
Taxes are the worst. I propose we stimulate the economy by waging wars on neighboring cities

The Ape King