Played a blitz game at 2am against a random in Italy. Things escalated a minute in when I blundered my knight thinking I was forking his queen, what I didn’t see was the square was protected by his bishop.
After, the Italian messaged in-game: “Fra Due Minuti.”
I had no idea what this meant at the time, but I took it as an insult so I replied: “*spit*”, then “I spit on you, peasant.” Then, a few moves later, I actually forked his queen with my other knight. I quickly replied “Fra Due MINUTI” over and over, although I had no idea what it meant. I would later use google translate to find out it meant something along the lines of “In two minutes”, which didn’t clarify much but it did make it seem he was using some Italian phrases to talk that smack.
The game went on, and I ended up besting him as his time quickly ran out. The last move of the game, I forked his rook and he flagged. Afterwards, I spammed “Fra Due Minuti” and “I spit on you.” I figured his English wasn’t good (if he spoke it at all) so I wanted to use very basic phrases and words, so I started to just write “Dirt” and “Bug” to really drive the message home. After he flagged, he started to send me eggplant emojis, which I don’t know exactly where things took a turn like that but I figured nows a better time than ever to bring up his mother, so I used googled translate to tell him his mother was employed by a brothel, in Italian. This not only let him know that I 1.) knew him mother, but 2.) knew her occupation, as well.
That was the last message shared between the two of us. I think I spooked him telling him about his mother’s profession.
What we can learn from this infamous Italian Spitting Match is that it pays to have a creative opening, as if you analyze my play against him it was my unusual opening sequence that threw him off and allowed me to fork his queen. So, when playing Italians, perhaps unconventional openings is the way to go.
Unfortunately, the very next game I was obliterated by a Russian.
I didn’t take what the Italian said personally, as I really do like pizza and olive oil. Maybe in another life we could have shared a sunset together while sipping on merlot wine from the Italian vineyards and trading bites of pepperoni pizza after taking a dip in an olive oil and lavender bath (that we would share, together) while watching The Godfather trilogy.
maybe, just maybe that one day will come. Until then, I spit on you, you Italian peasant.
SPIT SPIT SPIT SPIT SPIT