A Really Stupid Joke...

This is a stupid joke, but since this group is supposed to be for Math, Physics, and other nerds- what the heck- why not...

A farmer wakes up one morning and goes outside to tend to his animals and crop. Upon walking outside, much to his chagrin, he quickly notices that his chickens are "a little off...". He really can't figure exactly what is wrong with his chickens but immediately calls in the experts to try to figure it out.

An hour later, a Veterinarian, a Chemist, and a Physicist all arrive on the scene to try to diagnose the problem. The Veterinarian draws some blood, checks them for parasites, checks their weight, etc... He reports to the farmer that the chickens appear to be in good health.

The Chemist decides to try her hand at the problem. She pulls out her test tubes, disolves a sample of their feathers in some weird liquids, tests the soil, does combustion tests on the feed, and ultimately also reports that everything seems fine.

The Physicist then pulls out his calipers and spectrometer, takes a few measurments and then proceeds to sit down on a tree stump and crunch some numbers. A half hour later the Physicist returns to the farmer with excitement in his eye! "I have solved your problem and have found a solution to your chicken problem!! Unfortunately, it only works for spherical chickens traveling in a vaccum. "

Cute, thanks! Leave it to the physicist to come up with the cool irrelevant problems ;)

:))) lol

Amusing.  :-)

Oldest Profession

An engineer, a physicist, and a computer scientist were discussing what was the oldest profession.

• The engineer claimed priority. "Look at all that matter engineered into amazing constructs like galaxies, stars, and planets."
• The physicist disagreed. "Before there were planets, the matter had to be made from chaos. Physics is responsible for all the quarks, gluons, photons, and electrons."
• The computer scientist coughed modestly. "Ah, but where do you think the chaos came from?"

Isaac Newton and Albert Einstein were asked why the chicken crossed the road.

Newton replied "If the chicken had been in a state of motion when it reached the road, the persistence of this motion would have carried it to the other side"

Einstein however declared "Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends entirely on one's frame of reference"

A small piece of ice which lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.

"Bunsen! my flame! I melt whenever I see you" said the ice.

The Bunsen burner replied :"It's just a phase you're going through"

:)

I liked that last one!

The answer to the problem was 'log(1+x)'. A student copied the answer from the good student next to him, but didn't want to make it obvious that he was cheating, so he changed the answer slightly, to 'timber(1+x)'

I bet that's a true story.

What is the difference between an extroverted mathematician and an introverted one?

The extrovert will look at another's shoes when talking.

Two male mathematicians are in a bar.
The first one says to the second that the average person knows very little about basic mathematics.
The second one disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of math.
The first mathematician goes off to the washroom, and in his absence the second calls over the waitress.
He tells her that in a few minutes, after his friend has returned, he will call her over and ask her a question. All she has to do is answer one third x cubed.
She repeats `one thir -- dex cue'? He repeats `one third x cubed'.
Her: `one thir dex cuebd'? Yes, that's right, he says. So she agrees, and goes off mumbling to herself, `one thir dex cuebd...'.
The first guy returns and the second proposes a bet to prove his point, that most people do know something about basic math.
He says he will ask the blonde waitress an integral, and the first laughingly agrees.
The second man calls over the waitress and asks `what is the integral of x squared?'.
The waitress says `one third x cubed' and while walking away, turns back and says over her shoulder `plus a constant!'

I've heard that one b4.

I liked that integral joke, but the second man's inquiry does not specify whether if one is integrating x^2 with respect to x or with respect to a different variable, say t or r.

Werner Heisenberg was driving down the highway and a cop pulled him over. The officer walked up to his window and asked, "Sir, do you know how FAST you were going?" Heisenberg replied, "No, but I know where I am."

Nice, Lebeast. I think I've heard other speed and relativistic spin-offs along similar lines too.

Here's a (reworded) joke which a schoolfriend told me when I was about 13 or 14 and had started getting 100% in maths exams. Sorry everyone!

Did you hear about the mathematician who solved the problem of constipation? He worked it out with a pencil.

Newton was speeding on a motorway, when he was pulled over by a policeman.

"You know you were going at 95 mph?" the policeman told him.

Newton replied "I was travelling at a constant velocity, and all laws are the same for a body in constant motion as for one that is stationary. And if I was stationary, clearly I would not be in breach of any maximum speed limit"

"I can't argue with that" said the policeman, and wrote him a ticket for illegal parking.