Anecdotes of Stupidity

Anecdotes of Stupidity

Overheard this on a London bus:

* First Woman: "I don't know what to get Fred for his birthday."
* Second Woman: "Why don't you get him a book?"
* First Woman: (after a moment's thought) "Nah, he's already got a book."

My girlfriend and I visited together with her friend in an old churchyard from the 1700s. Among the tombstones was one dated around 1725 that had fresh flowers by it.

* Our Friend: "I wonder who has been here with the flowers?"
* My Girlfriend: (joking) "I guess the widow has been here."
* Our Friend: "Yes, I guess you're right. Who else could it have been?"

The following call came in at 7:30 this morning:

* Me: "Hello?"
* Some Woman: "Mannie?"
* Me: "Ma'am, what number are you trying to reach?"
* Some Woman: "Mannie, y'all get up now, cause y'all are goin' to Sunday School, okay, sweetie?"
* Me: "Ma'am, I am not your sweetie. You have a wrong number!"
* Some Woman: "Okay, sweetie, see you soon!" (click)

I work as a cashier at a grocery store that was celebrating its grand re-opening. To draw customers, we were mailing out coupons for various free items, such as eggs, soda, chips, etc. The coupon for the chips was very specific: it had to be a 13 1/4 bag of Lays Potato Chips.

One lady was a bit confused. Upon handing me her bag of chips and the corresponding coupon, she said, "The coupon says thirteen and one fourth, but I guess this is close enough, right?" I checked. The net weight of the bag was given as 13.25 ounces. I looked up, certain she was joking.

She wasn't.

This stupidity was a story my friend told me about his girlfriend at the time. When he told me the story, I didn't believe him, so I asked his girlfriend (who thought the South Pole was hot because it was in the South), and she confirmed the story.

He and his girlfriend were necking in his car when there was a power failure. All the street lights when out, and all the houses around were dark. She said, "Oh no, you won't be able to start your car!" He told her it would start just fine, and then she said, "But your headlights won't work! You won't be able to see where you're going!"

I was working in a photo store, which specializes in restoring old photographs, when a lady brought in a old picture of a man sitting behind a cow, milking it.

* Her: "Can you fix this picture for me?"
* Me: "Sure. What would you like us to do?"
* Her: "Can you move the cow?"
* Me: "Move the cow?"
* Her: "I want to know what my great-grandfather looked like. That's him."

She pointed to the feet sticking out under the cow.

* Me: "I don't think we can do that."
* Her: "Just move the cow over, and we'll be able to see his face."
* Me: "I'm sorry. We don't have the technology to do that."
* Her: (getting huffy) "Well, I guess I'll just take this somewhere else."

I am a very frequent taxi user, especially for the trip from Melbourne's airport to the city center. The trip started in the usual fashion; I gave the taxi driver the destination, got grunts in return, and we edged out onto the motorway and accelerated to about 115 kmph. Then the driver braked down to about 90. He then eased back up to 110. Braked to 90 again. After four or five repetitions I asked if there was a problem with the car.

* Driver: "Eh?"
* Me: "Is there something wrong with the car? You're braking all the time."
* Driver: "Eh?"
* Me: "You know, every time you get above 110 you brake"
* Driver: "Oh, that. Don't wanna speed, they take ma license, you know?"
* Me: "Sure, but why brake?"
* Driver: "Eh?"
* Me: "Why brake? Why not just not accelerate?"
* Driver: "Doan wanna speed, y'know?"

I pondered this for another couple of brake-accelerate repetitions, then spoke up again.

* Me: "Hey. Let's just try something, all right?"
* Driver: "Eh?"
* Me: "When you get to 110, just take your foot of the accelerator. Don't brake."
* Driver: "Accelerator?"
* Me: "Take your foot off the pedal."
* Driver: "Ah."

We reach 110. The driver backs of the pedal. The car slows, magically.

* Driver: "HEY MAN! That's great! I'm gonna use that from now on!"

At the end of the ride I showed the driver how to accept credit card payments on his system and wished him better luck with his second fare.

Hello Baby, My name is Nuru, 35 yrs of age. I am an easy going person and romantic, I must confess, your profile has really captured my attention and i will love to share in the joy of your smile, In fact i want to get to know you if you don't mind. Wow, I like your striking smile, could surely make an angel with a broken wings. I will be glad if we get to know each other and become friends. You never know we could become the next success story on here as good couples. Can you send me an e-mail or add me to your yahoo messenger so that we can chat there, my email is (( honest_faith_trust@yahoo.com )) Send me an email true my private email address and i will surely e-mail you with my pictures..Am just registering that is why i don't have my pictures on here but we could move to Yahoo messenger to chat more and share pictures to see each other if you don't mind dear, hoping to hear back from you soon.. Much regards and Stay bless. Yours friend, Nuru.

In my high school biology class, one day, we were watching a video about wildcats in Africa. At one point, a flood had receeded, and the cats were hunting for fish stranded in small pools of water. A girl in the back piped up.

* Her: "What's it doing?"
* Teacher: "It's looking for fish."
* Her: "Why?"
* Teacher: "So it can eat the fish."
* Her: "Oh." (pause) "I thought cats ate cat food."