Chess Jokes

       If you have any funny chess jokes post them here for the club to see! Keep it PG-13 for our younger members. Feel welcome to comment on any jokes.

Chess house collapsed on the construction site, an investigation is underway, whose fault it was.
To bricks: - Bricks, we think it was your fault ...
The bricks hit in chest and say, "Look how strong we are, we have nothing to do with it!"
Asks the sand: - Sand, was it your fault?
The sand denies this, they are additionally tested and it is found that the sand is of high quality. The investigator then turns to cement. - Cement, are you responsible for the house collapsing?
Cement: - What !! Why you want to make me guilty - I wasn't here at all!

The ideal chess BLITZ marathon cannot start without at least nine dishes: a six-pack of beer and a three-pack of chrisps.

Mom, I've played enough chess games already in that girl`s home ... Can you pick me up and get me home?

No, son ...
Why? I've been here for a whole week ...
Because you're married now and your home is there ...

Well known IM enters a flower shop and orders:
- Please select a hundred roses for my wife.
The seller is horrified:
- Mister! What have you done ?!

- Why are You so sad?
- My guy, a chess player, is cheating on me!
- But I am Your boyfriend and I'm not cheating on you!
- No, but the another one is ...

Doctor to Grandmaster:

 -It's hard for me to tell you what's really wrong with you... Alcohol is probably to blame."
- Ah, I understand Doctor. I'll come another day when you'll be ready.

-Dear, if I die, don`t be sad, just marry right away. Be happy. The only request is that Your husband teaches our sons English opening properly!
- Stop it! It is a normal soup! It is OK if You Don't want to eat it ...

Someone with chalk on the asphalt in the backyard of a multistairing house wrote, "Call me when your husband leaves. I have a New set of chess pieces" Many people stayed at home, as a result of which shelves were attached, water taps were repaired, irons, sockets were screwed on, children were helped with their homeworks ... 😋😋😋

Oop

Your: parents: You should date this girl, she’s really smart!

You: But she’s flat chessed!

Your parents: How dare you fun of her style of play! She’s better at chess than you are!

You: …

Your parents: …

Kennedy is visiting Khrushchev. After the formal conversation, they both sit at the bar with some beer and chess game, and talk. In which country people drank more: in the USSR or the United States? They both take to the streets of Moscow ... a lot of drunk people.
Kennedy says: "You won't see anyone drunk in Washington!"
Nikita opposite: "It can't be !!!"
"Well, if you see one you can shoot him down!"
Okay, Nikita Sergeyevich is leaving for Washington. After the conversation, in the evening, John gives him a gun. Go and look for drinkers!
No need to look far. near the embassy, a bar is surrounded by a funny company. Pif paf and all dead!
The next day the headlines of the biggest newspapers: A little bald gangster shot down the whole Soviet embassy !!!

Oop