Escape from Dystopia - Finding Hope in a Very Dark World Part 1 The Journey Begins

Sounds good, Elijah. Thanks! It may be a combined effort of Elijah (you) and John, the Baptist (what they used to call me when I had a long beard and went to a Baptist church.) Lol

It would be my honor to help with this project. Ha. Love the nickname.

Thanks and double thanks, brother Elijah. To God be the glory.

Hey, I am ALMOST done reading this. But however I am going to be REALLY busy today (with it being New Years Eve, and also the last day of my brothers being here), so there is a small chance that I might not be able to finish this today... But I will try. I already have a bunch of feedback written down, but I ain't gonna send it until I am completely done. So, yeah.

If I have time, I will definitely finish this. (The reason I don't have time right now is because I need to be eating lunch but I am stealing a few minutes to be on cc...)

What a guy, Tim! You wait until the last minute ... and remind me of myself! Lol. You've put in that much effort, maybe you should have an extra day of grace. What do you think?

Well I'm about to start reading again right now, so I don't think I'll need it XD

But I'm gonna be signed out of my computer in 40 minutes so I might not actually send the critique until tomorrow... But I will definitely finish reading it tonight (even if I have to switch to my phone)

Thanks, Tim! I guess you could say, "It's time for Tim!" Happy New Year!

LOL

True XD

Happy New Year! In 2 and a half hours that is hehehe

Hehe, I'm in the future, I'm already 6 hours into 2024. I could tell you the big news of things that happened, because I am in the future, but the eastern world has to sign a contract that they won't tell anything of what is going to happen to the Americans, and keep the future to themselves.

Alright, I'm finally done. So here we go.

Alright, the first point of criticism I have is that the beginning (first few chapters) feel like a LOT more exposition than necessary. I get it, you have a lot to explain. But in my opinion, it comes across as a bit... Excessive. I mean, maybe it wouldn't if it wasn't spread across multiple chapters, but IDK. To me, it feels like the story really starts when they meet Hope, and everything before that is a prelude of sorts. IDK.

The second thing, the chapters feel a bit short to me. I get you were probably going for that, that was probably intentional for them to be shorter, but IDK. I just had to point it out XD

Alright, that's all the criticism I have... (Not much XD) Now, on to typos!

TYPOS:

The Tornado

2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence.

"Minutes later, only the sound of the rain and occasional hale could be heard as it pelted the opening."

That should be hail instead.

The Trap Door

7th paragraph, second sentence.

"Since Michael was the strongest, he went up first to push up on the trap doo."

Doo should be door.

NOW onto GOOD things.

This story was very gripping. For example, when the Grinders noticed the trapdoor entrance, I felt like a physical twinge in my heart. Great job getting me so invested in it XD And I CANNOT TELL YOU how relieved I was when I realized they had escaped. Great writing there.

Also, I loved the story with Tim. I loved how he like only has a LIMITED knowledge of God through what has been passed down, but he is trying to learn all he can. Question though, is the old book he found a Hebrew copy of the Bible? That's what it seems like to me, IDK tho XD

Alright um... I could say more (and I will tomorrow), but I have to go now... So, um... That's all for now. I'll give more later. XD
Goodnight!

ALRIGHT so today was a most busy day and I think I'm gonna finish up writing tomorrow once I'm not so tired XD

Tim, thanks for your input, even at the cost of losing sleep. Maybe I will hear more tomorrow. xD

Oh yeah... I kinda forgot XD

Well

Yeah at this point I don't think I'm gonna give more XD

I forget what else I had in mind

Okey, dokey, Tim.