I don't feel too good.

𝕹𝖆𝖐𝖊𝖉 (𝖓𝖆𝖎𝖑𝖊𝖉)(𝖇𝖑𝖊𝖊𝖉𝖎𝖓𝖌)(𝖉𝖞𝖎𝖓𝖌) 𝖔𝖓 𝖆 𝖈𝖗𝖔𝖘𝖘 𝖇𝖑𝖊𝖊𝖉𝖎𝖓𝖌 (𝖔𝖚𝖙) 𝖇𝖑𝖔𝖔𝖉 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖜𝖆𝖙𝖊𝖗.

Chapter 0

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A few days ago, I finally had the incentive, i made a proposition on my bed inducing it. I initiated where, how, and when I was going to do it, detailedly. How sad. But so mesmerizing.
This is due to my inefficiency and infertility in reasoning.
How sad.
I find it so peaceful, though.

All my dreams are sad now.
I'm always soaking in melancholy and aboandoment. There is no rest.
Love, love me again?
Why are you so far from me?
What do I have to do to think again?

It's worst now. I couldn't "imagine" being with a toothed-edged one. How broken. I find peace within it now. How broken. What has become of me? I don't know. I would know. But I can't think.

.

what happened to my rebuke?
why is everything pain?
is it wrong?
why?
why is happiness wrong

https://poestories.com/read/pit

anyways lets get back to everything.
im sorry. im sorry for everything.

.
I want you so much—
but is it evil?
why is life derived from me?
if it is so to be, why do i have to endure it?

I have hope.

I have pain.

my brain still cannot process this.
im sorry for you
im sorry.

this state of conditional mentality. how sick. everything is concentric. when will i be free?
im so weak im so inferior. when will i be free? 

Made with pain,

—Yujin Natio

Chapter 1

Slowly going against my own volition. Yet it is my volition. So insidious this great seems to be, is to be. So sinister and dark. I find myself sulking in this pitch mire to accompany myself. But then there is reasoning and reasoning brings me to the point of a truth which is a selfless, hopeless, and wonderful of upbringing that I cannot escape. (Thank God.) I stay without staring endlessly at the plain before me my inevitable choking tightening. A façade My Façade. Is it real? If not, why?How far can I go? Why are these lights blinding when they are pitifully so small. Am I just mistaken? How sad, it doesn't work. How sad I cannot comply. How sad an aperture controls me that I can't see clearly myself. yet I can't clearly see myself. Dexterity's special.

"They enjoy watching me waste their subsidy and see confusion on all my sides—". Irrational. Rational. Irrational. . .

"Why would I hold deference?". "How can I, seeing that my premises are upholden by subconsciously undeniable inadequate ratios?"

"They enjoy watching me waste their subsidy and see confusion on all my sides—". Irrational. Rational. Irrational. . .

If I were to drown—If I were to drown—If I were to drown—. . .

Made with pain,

—Yujin Natio

Chapter 2

cant feel myself. cant be myself. cant think. Always coping in some strange ways—acting like someone else—but I'm not someone else—but am I—who knew it was this much damaging?

The pain is back again. I'm thinking about leaving this site. Even more because of the ruining updates. It feels like I and this site together will rot. How will that feel? Maybe it will be for the best. Maybe it's for the end.

I forgot everything—I forgot everything but who cares? Who cares? I forgot everything.

Is this getting better—Am I getting worse—you—only you can fix this—

...

What should I do?

Made with shivering,

—Yujin Natio

Chapter 3

I don't know what I'm doing, I think I'm making things worse—I think I'm making things better—. . .

Should I continue life or not? It has become much harder—will it get worse—?—Will I make it better?—and worse?—

How strange the world acts some times-all the time. Seems as if fate chose me to sink in this mire. In this unfamiliar mire, which is now so familiar I cannot escape it. I can no longer—

My dreams are worse aren't we? I feel them now. I feel them now and I understand them-and they are me. It's so unhealthy—What have I become?—But I have become this. —What have I become?—

Everything is slowly turning—We already know this—I will forget this—I think I won't—enough— enough. . .

Should I continue using my diaphragm? I like using my diaphragm—I hate using my diaphragm—I help myself—I hurt myself—. . . I need it——

Made with strength in the midst of pain and pain in the midst of strength,

—Yujin Natio

Chapter 4

It seems, it will never go. It gets better but worse. How is it so that I remember the words to say that heal me—? I think it's wonderful.

It hurts so much. But I forgot. My floor is covered in blood. My floor was covered in blood. Is it still—? My floor is covered in blood. But I cannot see it. I forgot.

My dreams feel more real lately.

What do I want? What do I want? It seems when I find it I don't have it. I look and forget.

If I were to drown—If I were to drown—If I were to drown—

Why was I supposed to be so stuck?—If I were to drown—

The pain is almost unbearable; but I can bear it. Can I?

I'm so glad I'm able to speak sometimes. Able to do this. To forget. To remember. But this isn't the place to be happy. I can't forget everything; or I will forget everything—which means—I can't say it—I can and I shouldn't. It means—. . .

I'm so glad sometimes. But this a mere mirage.

A mere—mirage—

My floor is covered in blood. ?

Made in Pain,

—Yujin Natio

Chapter 5

Everything closes on me.

My will. By my will, by my will.

Should I go back?

I like where I am, where I was.

But it's deceitful. ?

Language. What a beautiful thing. But in a place such as this, what use does it contain? Only if shrink—but something's still wrong. . .

Made in coercion,

—Yujin Natio

Chapter 6

I will get better!

I will get better!

I know I will!

I can get better.

I want to get better.

Let me start.

Let the games begin.

no words can describe.

Made in Joy,

—Yujin Natio

Chapter 7

The three things that can save me:

1. Hypnosis. I need to be hypnotized and someone needs to cautiously affirm and confirm the things that I have ruined and can't fix myself. Maybe I can fix them.

2. Trauma. Hypothetically something disastrous that affects my mind in such away that all (or most) of my pain is paralyzed, I could possibly be released from this cell and my brain would start pumping out dopamine and adrenaline again.

3. Love? I don't remember. I forgot. I've been holding this for three days. or more... I need to love someone. Love is powerful. Love has been taken away from for quite some time now. I did it. I have clogged my oxytocin producing worldview. I keep pressing down. I can't get up. I need someone else to control me. I need to forget. I need to sacrifice. Not for me—for them. It is possible but it feels slightly dangerous and rare, more so regarding the fact of how most of they are built. I could fix them to help myself. I can't though anymore. I could. I can't now.

written.

—Yujin Natio

Chapter 8

Stage three is over-with. At least in some degree. I'm still sensitive and soft from the impact and shock and drowsiness.

Chapter 9

It's sad when you forget things.

I think I'm taking myself down the wrong path. as I always do. But everything elsewhere is pain.

I feel I don't care anymore. Sometimes. But I do I think. It's weird.

written in whereabouts,

—Yujin Natio