letting it out.

Ok. so today I am going to be talking about a big problem I have been having and still have that I haven't ever told anyone about...

.

So...I've been thinking about making a forum explaining this and there were alot of ups and downs the past 22-ish hrs... I think? I hope talking about it with someone will help me...and I thought it would alot but idk now...things changed alot in my mind... I'm still going to try.

Anyways, so I've been having like a rlly bad intrusive thoughts and stuff like that.

"overthinking".

I'm not going to tell everything about it.

It "started" probably when I was maybe 10-11. and i got it "stop" when i was 11-13-14? but i got into it again and its rlly bad. its like....it ...idk how to explain.

Basically, even when I had it when I was 10-11, it takes up so much of my time and I act weird bcs of it... i get like headaches and i just feel physically pained by this. It hurts my career like when I'm doing anything i just have to deal with so many unwanted thoughts and stop and think about it to make me understand it..and then heal myself. EVERY TIME. like ONE SINGLE SENTENCE IN MY SCHOOL BOOK. HELP. I HAVE TO ANALYZE EVERYTHING. i mean i get like confused NOW (my age) BCS I LOVE TO THINK AND OVER-ANALYZE OR WTVR. BUT I GET RLLY BURNT OUT FROM IT.

I LOVE IT. BUT IT RLLY RLLY HURTS. LIKE FCK PHYSICALLY OK.

AND NOW> NOW LIKE WHENEVER I DO THAT I GET CONFUSED BCS IM CARRYING SO MANY THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD AND IM WONDERING IF IM MISSING SOMETHING.

I FEEL LIKE I LOST SOMETHING.

something similar to this which is a seed is planning to do something. and then another thing. and another thing. AND YA ITS VERY DETAILED OKAY??? OR SOMETHING?? LIKE ITS JUST SUBCONSCIOUSLY DETAILED?? I UNDERSTAND IT??? BUT I GET RLLY OVERHEATED AN STUFF??

AND THEN I GET SO STRESSED IF I FORGET AND I HAVE TO COPE. BE LOGICAL.

but thats so small :>

so small...

now its big... and- i just.. feel so guilty...... . .  .. .. 

i cant even like watch a video...??

cause like i need to think...

i need to rest. and die.

and...i just...there is so much more.....TvT

ill never be able to get things out..?????

and this whole thing here is small too....

i wanna kms so much 😭

it wasn't like a big thing when it started from this thing ppl call "overthinking" but now it grew so much that i like can't think anymore. it hurts to. if anything surprises me or like i need to take in a lot of information and hold on to old info to get new info and then like analyze everything—i just cant live. ok.

and i just rlly wanna die tbh 😭

i just rlly dont want to feel anything anymore.

its not worth it.

i wish death was the end.

its ok if u dont understand.

these are just the small pieces i can pull out of my heart.

thank you for reading.

So, I COMPLETELY GET YOU. Fully understand, right? I also overthink, but I don't feel physical pain,

nvm this not about me

XD