Make Up A Patzer Opening!

We've all seen them. The patzers who thing they're so sophisticated when they play the Grob or the Durkin. Post a noobish opening you have seen, made up, or even played.

I call this: THE DERP OPENING!

How about this?

Dumbo's Opening. 

Or Fool's Mate, because it's a two-move checkmate (even if not the classic example of "Fool's Mate".

@awesomechess Have you given your derpy opening a name?

Not yet. I should, though.

Maybe I should call it "Chess for Dummies", as I believe there are at least several books under that title.

yes, there are.

Notice  got thier full name

In a 5 minute blitz game I was playing in the airport someone nailed me on the 8th move, and I had opened with the English which is supposed to be a fool-proof opening. I cried like a baby for about two minutes, alarming my fellow travelers. I'm pretty sure one or two of them canceled their flight because of me. I'll post the game when I get better computer access.

The "What I Really Meant Was" Opening.

Sigh...

Don't you sigh at me, Mr. Camberfoil, or I'll post my "Let's Get 10 Moves Ahead on the Clock Conspiracy" Opening.

Please do! Sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh

sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh

I like that opening, it's funny.. what is also funny but sadly true is that patzers sometimes really will try to copy your every move.

There's always this...

Like my previous post, this is not a patzer opening I've seen, just something I made up for fun. Here we see young Alekhine, Jr. trying to improve on his father's pioneering work in hypermodern openings. I believe he called it the "Extended Alekhine Defense."

I have seen patzers play this opening as White, though: