Joined this group and have enjoyed reading a lot of the poetry on here. Thought I would submit one of my own for judgment as I have judged others. Am not sure if this poem is my best for public consumption; it was very personal and written for someone whom I knew would relate to the meanings but it was written quickly, a flow of raw emotion and because of that I like it.
Jamie
Pacific Beauty Deep
Lying cold Together we fit W/ Crystal shard eyes Vision of one
A smell so intoxicating Narcotic in addiction Inside you know?
Blind to, all eyes watching? Deaf to their song? All their words are yours Pacific beauty deep
Sum of great battles Waging war for beauty Awaken all mens warrior Fighting, for you
Listening to Sirens call Wrecking ships of dreams Throw myself, onto rocks? Pacific beauty deep
This is beautiful. And I appreciate how you stay on track with the soporific imagery.
One word of contructive criticism? Lose the "W/" in the third line - just put in With. The jolting modern texting-shorthand is disruptive and pulls me out of immersion. Otherwise? Perfect.
Joined this group and have enjoyed reading a lot of the poetry on here. Thought I would submit one of my own for judgment as I have judged others. Am not sure if this poem is my best for public consumption; it was very personal and written for someone whom I knew would relate to the meanings but it was written quickly, a flow of raw emotion and because of that I like it.
Jamie
Pacific Beauty Deep
Lying cold
Together we fit
W/ Crystal shard eyes
Vision of one
A smell so intoxicating
Narcotic in addiction
Inside you know?
Blind to, all eyes watching?
Deaf to their song?
All their words are yours
Pacific beauty deep
Sum of great battles
Waging war for beauty
Awaken all mens warrior
Fighting, for you
Listening to Sirens call
Wrecking ships of dreams
Throw myself, onto rocks?
Pacific beauty deep