I can't improve on your impressively obfuscated descriptor, but I was reminded that in Chinese the character for square is not a square (that would be way too simple). In fact it is 方 which reminds me of a running man. This also means quadrilateral. But the ancient character for enclosure is a square, 囗. The Chinese don't like things to be simple though, so enclosure is generally represented now by 围墙 (the first character is 囗 with another character inside it, the second character means wall. Using two characters does serve a purpose in reducing ambiguity but, as far as I can see, using more complicated characters was a ruse to make writing an elitist activity in ancient China. 囗 forms part of many other characters such as the one for four, 四. The character for country, 国, is an enclosure with jade ( 玉 ) inside, representing the value enclosed in a country. 团 confuses the issue by representing (among many other things) a circle, or roundness. (There is no circular character in Chinese, as only certain written strokes are permitted). 圆 also means round, but is more commonly used as the unit of Chinese currency, probably because of the roundness of coins. 因 is a cause or reason, used in 因为 (meaning because). Sharp eyes are needed to distinguish this character from 困 meaning distress, to be sleepy and also to surround. The last meaning derives from enclosure, the other two are typically obscure (it may be stretching to claim it looks a bit like a person on a bed?). 回 is two nested squares, and means to return (perhaps something to do with being inside or outside an enclosure?). 图 is a nice one. This means picture or diagram. Finally, as if another was needed, 圈 also represents a circle, an enclosure or the verb to enclose.
Sufficiently obfuscated?
So you've probably heard the expression "be there or be square". The other day, someone told me to "be there or be a rhombus with a right angle". Then I was thinking of how to express the word square in really complicated terms. A few hours ago, I came up with this:
Be there or be the limiting polygon of the simplest polygonal Sierpinski set that contains the topological equivalent of all one dimensional figures, including the fractal cantor brush and all spiders having up to aleph null appendages (i.e. shape around the Sierpinski carpet (square)).
Someone else I know got this:
Be there or be a quadrilateral that can be inscribed in the inversion of a line not through the point of inversion and which subtends equal arcs in the inversion (cyclic quadrilateral with equal angles)
There are probably more complicated ways of saying square, but as of not, I don't know of any. Goal is to make the most "insider talk" that only few people can understand. Any creative ideas?