white to move, who would you rather play and why

lmao

-_-

Obviously this is a troll post but I’ll answer anyway. 

white and my reasoning is I have claustrophobia (I don’t actually) 

I'd rather play with White because this is clearly a troll game

definitely white here they have more space and have better prospects at development  

black because masochism

whenever someone says the same exact thing as you

I also really do prefer black

The position is from the Alekhine's Defense, all pawns attack, ultra-passive variation

black because of scary ideas like ra7 ke7 etc im not afraid oh ra2 rh2 or ke2

ah yes, the "ultra-passive variation"

No I am legit for black here I don't think white has any advantage

this is also a clear attack on me personally

bruh tf is bf5 :/

g4 be4 nf3 and I take on e5 d4 is hanging 

bxa6

black

white

if black trades the pawns it's basically equal. black